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Friday, July 26:

 I took the day off from work, but Savannah's Karate class had a pizza party, so I couldn't take off as soon as I would have liked. (I would have left at 6 in the morning, but the rest of the family will have none of it)  We didn't get on the road until 8 o'clock, and as soon as I got on the road, I realized I couldn't get on I96 West the way I normally do, because (GASP!) there's road construction.  So I have to take this god-aweful detour that I should have known about in the first place if I'd been paying attention for the last several months, but I'm already lost, and unable to even get out of town.  Finally, I find the detour, which winds through the shittiest parts of Grand Rapids, and a mere half-hour later, I'm on the highway.  Pissed.

SORRY

The drive is uneventful.  I drive until two in the morning, and I'm in IOWA.  Or somewhere like that.  I'm really tired.  I don't drive at night very well, and I'm driving at three in the morning.  I see a sign (see fig. 1)that says ECONO LODGE, so I pull in.  From the distance, I see the neon VACANCY sign, or so I think.  I pull the van closer, looking forward to a bed to sleep in, and instead of saying VACANCY, it says SORRY!  Just, SORRY.  Not "NO VACANCY" or "CLOSED" but just fucking "SORRY ."  Like "HA HA HA! SORRY, No rest for the WICKED TIRED" or something like that.  The lobby was dark.  They just said fuck it, we're closed.

"Sorriest shit I ever seen!" says I, among other mutterings at two-something in the morning and down the road I went.  Finally we found a place, a Motel 8.  Our room smelled like cigarettes (I got nothing against smoking, but JESUS it was STANKY in there!) The girls were holding their noses, but it was all I could find at almost three in the morning.

Saturday, July 27:

The next morning, we got back on the road at nine, with nothing really interesting happening.  We made it to Seth and Corri's house.  We got to finally see Madeline, my neice.  She's a beautiful baby.  We got some things unpacked, and waited for Dad, who was on the way from Winfield.

"The Errant Golf Ball "

When Dad got there we visited for a while longer,  we visited some more, had a beer, and I complained on the excruciating heat and wind.  After I was done complaining, I got my clubs out of the van, and I thought we'd hit some chip shots in the front yard.  I put a golf ball down,  took a swing and connected with the ball.  I "toed" it on the end of the club-head, and it flew directly at Seth's glass front door.  Directly at it.  Dead-center, right down the middle, right at it.  The ball arced across the lawn, careening straight for that glass door, and let me tell you, I had a serious pucker-factor going.  I was doing the math, I could see the trip to LOWES or HOME-DEPOT to buy a new door, the cost of the door, and figuring out how to get it on right, good as new, so it will fit and be balanced and all that other door-stuff I know nothing about. Everything flashed before me.  And then the ball caught the gutter by a fraction of an inch and popped straight up into the air and landed in the gutter.  Whew.   Dad and I deliberated on wether or not to tell Seth, but we told him.  The ball is still in his gutter, I suppose he'll find it some day.

"The Family Reunion, Part I"

Well, it turns out the entire Manning clan was in town.  Aunt Edna, Uncle Tim, Uncle Mike, Aunt Peggy, Gene and Erma, Wanda and a slew of cousins too numerous to name here, were all waiting at the Ramada??I can't remember the name of the place, but they had this huge indoor convention center/courtyard which was nice, since it was a thousand degrees outside with wind gusts up to seventy miles an hour.  We had a great visit.  Uncle Mike brought deer sausage.  We had sandwiches.  I lost several games of pool, and an air-hockey game, but otherwise, it was great to see everybody.  My cousins are like, fully grown.  I haven't seen a lot of them for several years.  I am the long-lost cousin.  I hope to see them sooner than later.  I'll admit I can't keep any of their names straight, and I apologize for not mentioning any of them here, but I'll just get it wrong and I'll catch hell for it.

"LET'S ORDER PIZZA!"

Then Aunt Peggy thought we should order some pizza.  We had a long discussion about what should go on the pizza, how many pizzas we should order, who would eat the pizzas, nad who should call the order in. 

"We should get three large pizzas."

"I'm not sure who all is going to eat any.  Maybe we should just get a couple of mediums."

"That's not going to be enough.  Why not two large and a small?"

"What kind of toppings?"  "What kind of crust?"

"We had sandwiches earlier, we might not be that hungry."

"Everybody likes pepperoni."

"With your kids!  We need three large."

"Well, you got a point."

"Hand-tossed"

(Agreement all around)

"Who's going to call it in?"

"You call it in."

"I'm not calling it in, you call."

"How many pizzas did we decide on?"

etc. etc. etc.

But the pizza got there, and it was good.

Sunday, July 28:

"The Family Reunion, Part II"

The reunion was really scheduled for Sunday.   We had chicken dinner.  We pulled some tables together, and found an outlet that worked in the floor for the crock-pot of beans.  (The crock pot of beans was full to the very rim, and Deb had to hold it in the van, suspended by her aching arms, all the way from the house.  They were good beans, however.)  Aunt Gay and Corrie had some family tree information, pictures from WAY BACK.  There was a cake because there were three birthdays.    I lost more pool games. 

Hoards of unsupervised kids (not Mannings, but some other group) wandered around, and I had to tell some of them to get lost.  One kid asked for fifty cents, and I told him to "get your own fifty-cents", and "where are your parents?", and "don't talk to strangers."  Another kid kept trying to grab the cue ball, and I asked where her parents were, and did they watch the news, and reminded her not to talk to strangers, and then I just had to say "GIT!".  Jesus, don't people watch their kids anymore?

"Minority Report"

After it was all over, Corri took the kids, and me and Debbie had a night out all to ourselves.  We went to see MINORITY REPORT, and it was pretty good.  Not that great, but pretty good.  But the place we saw it in, the WARREN THEATRE was like something out of the past.  It was such a nice theatre.  When we came out of the theatre, it was pouring down rain.  It was a real-live great-plains thunder-boomer. 

Monday, July 29:

"Old Mennonite Women with Binoculars"

 
(fig.2the task force gets ready for another day of fighting vice)

For Dad's birthday, we went to Hesston Golf Course in beautiful Hesston Kansas.  Hesston is in a dry county, which means NO ALCOHOL.  Oh, we'll have none of that.  After much consideration for the risks, we decided to take a few brews on the course with us, even though it is said that Mennonite women (see fig. 2 above) hid in the bushes with binoculars in order to call the law on anyone foolhardy enough to drink on the golf course.

Carefully slipping the beer into a small, easily concealed cooler, we got away with it.  Covertly sipping our beers, we had a great time golfing, although neither of us did well.  Dad had the better score, of course.