Well, just in case you missed it, here's the cell-phone video of Saddam dropping in the noose.

Labels: execution, saddam

If you've got a free hour, watch the video below. It's the first of three BBC films about politicians and terrorists, and how they use fear to bla bla bla, just watch it. I watched all three, and now I'm all depressed.

The weather isn't depressing at all. It's nice and warm. It's going to be in the forties for the next week. No global warming. Nothing to worry about :)

Otherwise, I got nothing going on. I probably won't get any calls cause it's New Year's Eve Weekend. We got family coming in, so the house is clean.

1. shock and awe
2. mission accomplished
3. bring 'em on
4. makin' good progress
5. as the iraqis stand up, we'll stand down
6. fight 'em there, not here
7. we must not waver
8. a free and democratic iraq
9. adapt to win
10. stay the course
11. central front in the war on terror
12. we'll succeed unless we quit
13. we're winning
14. complete the mission
15. new way forward

Labels: Iraq, propaganda

I haven’t written in this for awhile. Let’s see. A week ago Sunday I went to this stoner’s house and his 4 stoner teenage hangabout sons couldn’t hook up a wireless router to a cable modem. Three of them were sitting around all high watching the fourth play World of Warcraft. Monday, I fixed a router/printer/Mac networking situation for a lady who had Rush-Limbaugh blasting in the background. Tuesday I cleaned up a wiring mess at an accounting office. Tax season is coming up! Wednesday last week I went way out to Lowel to fix a high-dollar video card and reformat a Compaq. Thursday I returned the PC. Friday I had a customer who thought she had a virus that made the computer come on by itself. Her computer needed a serious cleanup, but there were no viruses.

Yesterday (Christmas Eve) we drove to Joanne’s and had a nice visit. I got a gallon of beer in one of those mini-kegs, which I look forward to tapping later on.

I got a new electric shaver. It’s charging now. The girls got lost of presents, bla bla bla, another Christmas.

had to make 60 of these babies for the girls' classes for treats. An army of snowmen.

Something I should have anticipated: Cleartype makes the PC go hella-slow. But in Control Panel, there's an icon, and after that there is a checkbox "Turn on ClearType" Uncheck it, and it turns off ClearType no problem.

I have manifested a new podcast. #91 is the most recent I've done so far! Check it out!

(Like my liberal use of exclaimation marks?)

Labels: podcast

Today in the news, there are some hikers lost on Mount Hood, Hamas and Fatah are at each other’s throats in Palestine, George Bush is still in denial that his Iraq disaster is a disaster, and Paris Hilton’s spokesman said that Paris didn’t blog about Britney Spears' lack of underpants. I’m not sure how these three stories are related.

It could be that the climbers were in the mountains looking for Britney Spears' underpants, but that’s ridiculous. It could be that they are hiding. Maybe they know what the rest of us will soon find out. George W. Bush and Co. are planning to reinstitute the draft. They are doing a pre-emptive draft-dodge by hiding in the mountains.

Hamas and Fatah are killing each other, possibly to the delight of some Israelis. If they would put their differences aside, they might be able to do something constructive. Maybe they could live in peace, and then they too could read about the misadventures of Britney Spears' Underpants.

Democratic Sen. Tim Johnson had a brain hemorrhage, proving once and for all that God is a Republican and He doesn’t want those Sodomite Democrats running the Senate. Unfortunately for God and the Republicans, in order for the South Dakota’s Republican Governor Mike Rounds to replace the ailing Democrat in the Senate with a Republican, Sen. Johnson would have to either die or resign. According to the Constitution, even if he is incapacitated, he could still hold the seat. Are Conservative Christians across the country going to be praying for Sen. Johnson’s death this Sunday? Hm . . . I ain’t saying they are or anything . . . I think they should pray that Britney finds her underpants instead.

That bicycle guy, Lance Armstrong, is annoying. One reason he’s annoying is because he’s the type of smug overachiever that throws the bell curve off for the rest of us. The other reason is he’s a cancer survivor that was famous before he got cancer, and he beat it, and now he’s all like, hey, I beat cancer and I can still beat a bunch of Frenchmen in a bicycle race, so can you.

Well goodie for you. Ya friggin’ bastard.

It was okay at first; I was like, “hey, good for the bicycle guy”. But then he’s all over the place, staring at me though the TV like, “why don’t you get off your ass and do something? I won like, a million tour-de-Frances, and I only have one nut. What have you done with your life?”

I don’t remember Lance Armstrong being like, “Oh, hey, cancer is bad” before he got cancer. Michael J. Fox didn’t care about Alzheimer’s either until he got it.*

And Christopher Reeve didn’t give a rat’s ass about spinal cord research and crippled people until he fell off his horse during an equestrian tournament in 1995. I always assumed he fell off playing Polo, and I always thought, “only rich assholes play Polo.” So I was wrong.

But I learned something else about Christopher Reeve during extensive research (I typed “Christopher Reeve” in Wikipedia). I learned that in 1987 he saved 77 actors, directors and playwrights from the death penalty in Chile by leading a rally. These artsy-fartsy folks had criticized the dictator Augusto Pinochet and were sentenced to death, but the publicity Reeve got leading the rally saved their lives.

So. How many people did Lance Armstrong save? 1. How many did Christopher Reeve save? 77.

Damn, this was one pointless blog entry. Enjoy

*I stand corrected. MJF has Parkinson's Disease.

Labels: dumb stuff

Hi fellow laptop users. Let me just say this now: I should have stumbled across this a long time ago. Anywhoo, when I downloaded the IE7 upgrade, I noticed how clear the text was on the new browser. It's something called "cleartype" and I thought, "well golly! why can't I see that clearly on everything?"

Well, I found the cleartype tuner, and I'm here to tell you, it makes the laptop look like a brand new, clearer laptop. check it out. Freakin' awesome.

I wonder if GWB saw this one coming:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Saudi Arabia has told the Bush administration that it might provide financial backing to Iraqi Sunnis in a war against Iraqi Shiites if the United States withdraws from Iraq, The New York Times reported on Tuesday, citing American and Arab diplomats.

King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia delivered that message to Dick Cheney during the U.S. vice president's brief visit last month to Riyadh, the newspaper said, citing the officials it did not name.

Cheney traveled to Saudi Arabia, a close U.S. ally and the world's top oil exporter, to discuss Iraq and how to break the deadlock in the Arab-Israeli conflict.

During the visit, King Abdullah expressed strong opposition to diplomatic talks between the United States and Iran, which is largely Shiite, the Times said. (from CNN)

I wonder if they thought of this wrinkle in the postwar planning. Oh yeah, I forgot, they didn't do any post-war planning. Nice.

http://www.bostontypewriterorchestra.com/ <--they make "music" with old typewriters. Audio samples.

Labels: music, typewriters

Here's a sad story for ya: the story of Oliver Sipple, the guy who saved President Ford. No good deed goes unpunished. Check out the chain of events that followed his heroic action that saved President Ford. Poor gay bastard.

Don't ask what random clicking led me to this wikipedia page. It started on Slate.

Wish I had more to report, but I don’t. Deb worked Friday night so Savannah and I went to Olive Garden, had some pasta, and then went to the bookstore. I picked up HP Lovecraft: The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories, and The Best American Short Stories of 2006. Savannah got a couple of books. She read one of them in one evening.

Saturday I made a fire in the fireplace, sat in front of said fireplace, and read until about three, when I showered and got my beer ration. Deb and the girls went to a church program, which mercifully, I was able to avoid.

Today is more reading and writing, and that’s about it. Not to thrilling, but I know that thousands of you hang on every word I write here, so I don’t want to disappoint.

Last week I did get a call from a book publisher about sample chapters of a book I had sent them years before. But they want money from ME to publish it. I had them send a sample of books they had already done, and it was unreadable crap. They just want my money. How sad.

Italk. does this even exist?

So the cat puked right in front of my office door. I can’t stand puke. I have a weak stomach. I’m a puss when it comes to vomit and shit.

So. Deb worked last night, so she was asleep. So I’m already gagging, and I haven’t even looked directly at the puke. I’m looking at it with my periphial vision only, just stepping around it, and I’m thinking, “I have to wake Deb up so she can take care of this.” I don’t want to wake her up, cause she’s asleep, and what kind of a puss can’t pick up some cat puke? So I steel myself, hold my breath, and clean it up.

And then I puked. Just a little.

Oh the things I do for love.

Let’s talk about lowering expectations: First, we were warned of a “mushroom cloud” if we didn’t invade Iraq, although Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction, and GWB probably knew it. Then we were promised a “democracy” in Iraq so that “freedom” could be “on the march.” Now GWB tells us that

“an Iraq that can govern itself is a noble goal."

Wasn’t Iraq already governing itself when we went in there and turned it into a shithole? Man, we’re friggin’ awesome. Next time let’s not put a friggin’ C student in the Whitehouse.

On a “lighter” note, check out the homemade hovercraft at rocketboom.com

Today I changed the blinker in my 2002 Taurus. 38 cents for the bulb, 10 bucks for the socket and socket adaptor. Being able to turn left, priceless.

Well, first I get hooked on World of Warcraft. I play the crap out of that, get no writing done, and then I cancel the account and burn the CDs. What do I, being the genius that I am? I get a Second Life account and get hooked on that. So today I had to cash out of that and uninstall the software.

It’s like the last thing I want to do is WRITE. Maybe because I’m allergic to WORK. And writing a book is HARD. It takes a lot of TIME. And EFFORT.

Well, it’s official. I did a quick inventory of all the food in our kitchen, and 58.5% of all of our foodstuffs has a picture of Rachael Ray on it.

It was 78 degrees Fahrenheit today, in Michigan, on November 29. Oh, no, there’s no global warming. Please go about your business as usual. Nothing to worry about.

Today I put the kibosh on another installation of Norton $ystemWork$. What a piece of s**T program. I swear as soon as that parasitic, bloated program attaches itself to the nerve center of any unsuspecting operating system, the PC becomes sluggish, lethargic, and falls into low-grade narcolepsy when a human being clicks more than two mouse clicks in thirty seconds. I swear to God I hate Norton and all its work. I reject thee Norton, and all of the Evil in which you stand.

Okay . . . tell us how you really feel Dan.

In other news, the “Prime Minister” of Iraq is too embarrassed to meet with President Bush. How ironic. One country invades and destroys another country, sets up a puppet government, and then blames the “Prime Minister” when the country turns into a hell-hole. I can imagine the conversation:

“Why is your country in shambles?”

“Because you invaded it.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.”

I have the solution to the Iraq problem, and it is a simple 3 step plan.

Step #1. Build a time machine.
Step #2. Go back in time.
Step #3. Don’t invade Iraq.

It’s simple, it’s easy. Except for the first step. But otherwise, it’s almost foolproof.

Labels: Global Warming, Iraq, Norton AV, Rachael Ray, Time Machines

The 1963 film, “From Russia with Love” is great for the following reason: In the span of 5 minutes, there’s a belly dancer, a gypsy girl-fight, a gun-shootout, a riot, and then an implied menage-a-tois between the two gypsy girls and Bond. All in about five minutes. Thanks Tivo!

I rented another movie, suggested by my friend Barry. “The Yes Men” These guys are trying to shock people by impersonating WTO representatives in front of corporate fat-cats saying this outragous, greedy stuff to point out how outragous and greedy corporations are, and how the WTO is exploiting 3rd world countries. The problem for the Yes Men was that the corporate drones took what they had to say seriously. They did this one bit where they compared offshoring for cheap labor to slavery (like it was a good thing), and the corporate guys ate it up like it was a great idea. All in all, it was a pretty good movie.

Yesterday I got a call from a woman who said her PC wouldn’t start. I tried the power supply, the switch, nothing. Then I figured out she had the switch off at her multi-power-switch doohickey. Oh, it was plugged in, but the friggin’ switch was off. Imagine my chagrin . . .

Today I took a machine home to reformat it. When I put it on the bench, the keyboard wouldn’t work. After that, it stopped posting. The motherboard crapped out right before my eyes. Luckily it was an ancient PC and I just replaced it with one I had on the shelf. They don’t use it for much, and I’ll give them a good deal. Dammit.

Labels: James Bond, motherboard, Yes Men

Okay, I stole/found this youtube video of Bill Hicks going OFF on a heckler from Justin's site, so proper credit or "props" as they say, to Justin! Hicks verbally beheads some drunk lady in the audience. For matures audiences only.

Savannah and I went downtown to go ice skating. The website www.downtowngr.org had yesterday listed as the day the ice rink opened at Rosa Park Circle. Of course, it was like, 60 degrees today (no, there’s no such thing as global warming. everything is fine) so they couldn’t freeze the water to make the ice. So we went to “Big O’s” restaurant and had fabulous spaghetti.

I packaged up some more presents.

Let me tell you about my new earphones. I have an Ipod, but the Ipod earphones suck. So I ordered some Koss “spark plug” stereophones. They are like those foam earplugs you can get from the hardware store combined with kick-ass speakers. They are amazing. I put in the comfortable plugs and tested the speakers with Billy Thorpe’s 1979 smash hit Children of The Sun. The crystal clear sound and magnificent bass transported me. And when I say transported, I’m not kidding. I ended up on a spaceship. Unfortunately, I was anally probed for more than 14 hours with something that looked like a complicated stainless steel mole trap. You’d think an advanced civilization capable of space travel would know about lube. Needless to say, I’m glad I didn’t have anything from Black Sabbath or White Zombie, or I might be dead right now. But the speakers sound great. And they were cheap as hell from Amazon.com. I had free shipping coming, so they were like a whopping 8 bucks total.

Nowaterball.com is getting lots of orders from Utah. I want each and every one of you to order at least one sleeve this holiday season. They make great gifts, and the price is right.

Labels: aliens, Billy Thorpe, earphones, golf balls, skating, spaghetti

The blogger community is all abuzz in anticipation of my next blog post. So here it is:

Chives: Is there anything that doesn’t taste better with chives? I don’t think so. It’s certainly great with sour-cream dip, but there are other things: Oreos and Chives. Chive Beer. Chive flavored edible underwear. Vanilla ice cream topped with delicious, fresh chives. God had his thinking cap on when he invented chives. Oh yes. I am thankful for chives! Say it with me now . . . . “CHIVES!”

Yesterday we ate turkey. I’m a fan of tryptophan, that’s for sure. Wikipedia takes all they mystery and fun out of the Tryptophan myth:

According to popular belief, tryptophan in turkey meat causes drowsiness[9]. Turkey does contain tryptophan, which does have a documented sleep-inducing effect as it is readily converted into serotonin by the body. However, tryptophan is effective only when taken on its own as a free amino acid. Tryptophan in turkey is found as part of a protein, and, in small enough amounts, this mechanism seems unlikely.[10]

A more-likely hypothesis is that the ingestion of large quantities of food, such as at a Thanksgiving feast, means that large quantities of both carbohydrates and branched-chain amino acids are consumed. Like carbohydrates, branched-chain amino acids require insulin to be transduced through the myocyte membranes, which, after a large meal, creates a competition among the amino acids and glucose for insulin, while simultaneously creating tryptophan's reduced competition with other amino acids for the Large Neutral Amino Acid Transporter protein for transduction across the blood-brain barrier. Alcoholic beverage consumption at holiday feasts is likely to compound the effect.

They got the booze part right! Just kidding kids. Drink responsibly! I took it easy on the booze yesterday.

The Lions did their usual screwed up job. Not only did they get beat, but they got beat by Joey Harrington, in his first appearance back in Detroit since moving to the Miami Dolphins. Way to go Lions, can’t even blame him this time. Jesus! What’s it take to bring these Lions around?

Today I am wrapping presents. I’m in the Holiday spirit, probably more than at any time in the last twenty years. I don’t know. I’m actually enjoying getting things ready for Christmas this year.

So. There’s this game called Second Life, which is basically this waste of time chat room in 3d, but it’s kind of cool because you walk around and people make all kinds of things and anyway . . . last night I bought a Led Zeppelin tee-shirt in the game. Today I was looking at books on Amazon.com, and guess what; they “suggested” that I might be interested in Led Zeppelin albums. Coincidence? I think not!

My bestselling novel is going gangbusters. There has never been a more unreadable heap of crap produced in a long time. Hopefully it will be made into a movie.

I really hate the day before Thanksgiving. It isn’t really a work day, and it isn’t really a holiday. Usually I don’t get any calls, (this is my 4th year working for myself) and the kids are home and the day drags and drags and drags. I got some writing done. I’m still going through World of Warcraft withdrawals. I’m having a hard time filling those hours I wasted on gaming. I have managed to read another book cover to cover. That’s helping. The pages in my upcoming International Best Seller (IBS doesn’t’ just stand for “irritable bowel syndrome”) and I’m seriously thinking about combining two of my false-starts into one really big false-start.

I picked up dog poop. We’re giving that dog too many snacks. There was crap everywhere and it seems like I picked up poop just the other day.

Deb and the girls are preparing the turkey for turkey-day.

I have all four of my book manuscripts on the desk and I realize I’ve typed a pant-load of pages. That and a bunch of short-stories. All of them unmitigated craptastic hoo-haw.

I ate two cans of spaghetti and now I’m really sleepy. I have to pick up a computer at five because the husband downloaded “something he shouldn’t have.” That always makes for a comfortable scene. The husband guilty of downloading porn, and the irate wife hiring me to clean up the hard-drive. uuuuuuhhhhhh.

I can't believe this isn't on Utube.

Labels: evolving mural

Oh Kramer! Why? Why? I’m a huge Seinfeld fan, but Kramer (Michael Richards) goes on this rant calling this dude the “N” word, and the whole audience walks out on him. It’s bad enough to say something like that, but he wasn’t even funny when he did it. Sad, sorry-ass state of affairs. Of course, I have a link to it here.

In other news, I’ve been working ever so slowly on my newest multi-national bestselling blockbuster Science Fiction novel. It’s going pretty good, but I’ve been reading more than writing, since I’ve wasted the last couple of months playing that f**king video game.

Got a call from Jim in Oklahoma, he’s doing well. Barry is out on the road, talked to him. He’s driving through Tennessee. NoWaterBall.com is seeing a boom in sales. The holiday season seems to be the big season for novelty golf-balls.

It’s getting cold out, and that’s about it.

I went to Meijer to buy some supplies for Thanksgiving. Who the heck is “Rachael Ray”, and why is she on every third item in the grocery store?

We Tivoed (is that a verb yet?) “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" and there’s a scene where Charlie’s sister complains that she went to the store for a “turkey tree” and all they had was Christmas stuff in the store. Charlie Brown says “Christmas already?” and I thought, damn, how long have they been advertising Christmas stuff too early. So I looked at the date on the recording. “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” came out in 1966. The year I was born. I’m 40. Jesus Christ!

I printed out my newest bestselling novel. 40 pages of crap. Turns out, I can use my last bestselling novel and combine the two to make a twice as long, twice as awesome bestselling novel. I am a genius.

check out this internet music site: www.pandora.com. Punch in a song title, and they make as "station" with music you'd probably want to hear. It works. Pretty cool.

Labels: music

Slow day. Didn’t have any work until 4PM, when I flew to Rockford to tighten the hinges on a Dell Dimension 1100 laptop screen. Leaping into action, I mounted my trusty Ford Taurus of Technology and raced to a secluded bungalow off of Spring Lake, where I cannibalized an old laptop for hinge screws and restored the machine to near pristine quality.

I sent some NoWaterBall golf balls out unto the world. I visited one company, but could do nothing for the proprietary software. But I met some folks and I’m sure they’ll be calling me for all technological thingies.

I haven’t watched any football this year because the Lions suck ass. But Saturday I’ll be watching Michigan(2) and Ohio State(1) in the big game. Both teams are 11-0. Should be pretty friggin’ exciting.

Watched Thank You for Smoking the other night, and wrote a review on my movie review page.

I want each and every one of you using the Internets to go to nowaterball.com and order the greatest novelty golf balls in the world for presents this Holiday season.

Today I got a call from a frantic client who didn’t back up his files. All of his files are gone. I want each and every one of you to think about what would happen if your computer crashed in the next five minutes, and the files on the HD were gone forever. Think about it. I’ll give you a minute. . . . . . . . okay. Now. Go and back up your files. When I say “back up” I mean “Copy them somewhere other than your one computer.” You could burn then to CD, buy one of those cute little flash disks and copy them there, or buy an external hard drive. These gadgets plug directly into your USB port and they are worth the piece of mind you will have knowing that your entire digital life: bookkeeping files, pictures, music, that crap poetry you write, porn, CAD drawings, whatever. . . . knowing that if your machine crashes, you’ll be able to carry on without therapy, or explaining to YOUR clients why you don’t have your stuff together.

And don’t download crap from the Internets. (You know who you are) you’ll get a virus and that will ruin your day.

Well, that’s the PSA for today. I’m going for beer.

Then I’m going to write my crap Science fiction.

Until next time, do your best, drive carefully, and keep reaching for the stars . . . (after you back up your friggin' files)

the show with zefrank < the girls open the show on this popular video show on the Internets. This show is on Itunes and gets a lot of hits.

Yesterday I made Level 60 in World of Warcraft. Last night I played for almost an hour, and then realized I’d done what I intended to do, which was to make level 60. So I cancelled my account, uninstalled the software, and BURNED the installation CDs with the trash so I wouldn’t be tempted to re-install it. That game is too addictive for me. It’s kind of sad, a forty-year-old man playing a game that much.

This morning I hooked up DSL connectivity smoothness to a family from India. How odd. I went to the home of an Indian family, and when I called tech support to make sure they had DSL signal, I got an guy in America. Weird.

New Talent on 60 Minutes funny stuff.

I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!I MADE SIXTY!

Today I raked leaves so we could see dog poop. I actually used these two sentences: “Savannah, where’d you bury the fish? You didn’t put the shovel back.”

Yesterday I went to the Hideout to get a jug of beer. One of the guys in there asked me if anything was new since the last time he’d seen me, two weeks before. I couldn’t think of a thing. Because nothing is new with me. I’ve been working on my book (sort of) playing World of Warcraft (too much) and fixing computers left and right.

In world news, the Republicans are out and the Democrats are in. Hope they can get this bus out of the ditch now that we’ve changed drivers.

Don Rumsfeld is out, and in his parting remarks he basically said the American people (you and I) are too stupid to understand that his handling of the Iraq war didn't suck.

The process of judicial hanging <--in case you were wondering.

Yesterday I replaced the kitchen sink soap dispenser, replaced the drain thingy, you know where the plug goes? And re-caulked around the sink. I hate plumbing in all of its forms.

Today we raked leaves. We watched some movies; you can read three new reviews on my Movie Reviews Page at the greatest website in the world, www.danmanning.com.

Don't forget to vote Tuesday. Throw the Bums out!

Today I got personal emails from such well known personalities as Laura Bush, whose subject line, "Final Push for Victory" fills me with trepidation. John Kerry sent me a quick email with the subject line: "Call for Change: It's too close not to call" That John Kerry, he's a blowhard even in his subject lines. Dick DeVos took the time to send me an email titled: "Today's Action Item: GOTV" Ya know, I'm not really into "Action Items." Needless to say, I deleted them all.

Funny, they don't usually email. I wonder what's up.

In other news, I backed up files, shared printers, reduced CPU overhead, and battled sticky wireless router settings, with an all-new 26 digit hex numbers.

danmanning.com ~ Procrastinator's Homepage I'm such a procratinator, I had to make this page and make it my browswer homepage. Gee hope it works.

Holy crap! Look at this fantastic pumpkin!

Later that day . . .

Finally, some checks came in the mail. Plus, when I went to the post office to buy stamps they were playing Madonna’s 1986 megahit “Papa Don’t Preach” on the loudspeakers. While I waited in line I got to contemplate Madonna’s reasons for why she wanted to keep her baby.

Yes! Rob Corddry (from the daily show, duh) has a blog/column thingy. He writes as funny as he acts.

Went to two Halloween get-togethers last night. At one place, I saw this amazing thing: Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) fighting. It was friggin’ great, these two dudes came out and kicked the shit out of each other. I had to ask if this was allowed in the US, and apparently, it is. So I’m going over there later this month, cause the guy gets pay-per-view to watch these fights. This one dude was bleeding all over the place, and they let them keep fighting. It was sick.

Otherwise, I’m invoice rich and cash poor. I did a bunch of work for this one place in early October, and I’m waiting for the checks to come in. Meanwhile, we’re flat-ass broke.

So I haven’t been in the mood to blog at ya lately. I’m so sick of going to the mailbox and seeing no checks in there. Self employment is fun, but it has its drawbacks.

Yahoo! Health News: Testosterone Tumbling in American Males NooooooOOooOoOooO No wonder I've been noticing drapes and things like that lately.

Line Rider - beta by *fsk on deviantART
Holy crap! simple addictive flash thingy.

'South Park' mocks Steve Irwin - CNN.com Every time I see an artical about South Park shocking people or doing something disgusting, I rush to my Tivo and make sure I catch it. Thanks CNN for pointing out all the good episodes!

Hi everybody, it’s me, Dan. Today something amazing happened. I got a call to fix a little old lady’s laptop computer. There was nothing wrong with it really, it just needed a slight attitude adjustment. But the amazing thing was, the computer guy she had before me set the laptop up exactly how I would have. It was amazing. Most computer guys always talk smack about the LAST computer guy, usually because there are a million ways to skin almost every technological cat.* But this guy had the machine set up just like I would.

I told the old lady this. She said the only reason she didn’t call the guy back was because he was a “smart-alec”. So let that be a lesson out there, don’t be a smart ass, especially if you want to keep people’s business. You can know your business, but even if you have the same product, if you’re an asshole, your customer won’t call you back.

Oh, and on the entertainment tip, check out the name of this band: Supreme Beings of Leisure. The name says it all. Cool-froody chill-out music. I got their self-titled CD, and it is coooool.


*yes, I know that analogy sucked

I can't make up this bullshit. From a recent White House press conference . Tony Snow is the President's Press Secretary:

Q Tony, it seems what you have is not "stay the course." Has anybody told the President he should stop calling it "stay the course" then?

MR. SNOW: I don't think he's used that term in a while.

Q Oh, yes, he has, repeatedly.

MR. SNOW: When?

Q Well, in August, because I wrote a story saying he didn't use it -- and I was quite sternly corrected.

MR. SNOW: No, he stopped using it.

Q Why would he stop using it?

MR. SNOW: Because it left the wrong impression about what was going on. And it allowed critics to say, well, here's an administration that's just embarked upon a policy and not looking at what the situation is, when, in fact, it's just the opposite. The President is determined not to leave Iraq short of victory, but he also understands that it's important to capture the dynamism of the efforts that have been ongoing to try to make Iraq more secure, and therefore, enhance the clarification -- or the greater precision.

Q Is the President responsible for the fact people think it's stay the course since he's, in fact, described it that way himself?

MR. SNOW: No.

So Bush's plan for Iraq is the change the terms he uses to describe the mess. Nice. I feel so much better now. Looks like he's positioning himself to "Cut and Run." Another term they hammered over and over again. Something he should have done a long time ago. You can't win a civil war.

The Detroit Tigers play game 2 of the World Series tonight. They lost last night. I’m going to be watching. This is all the baseball I watch during the entire year.

There’s talk that GWB and Friends are thinking about changing strategy in Iraq. Every interview I see of Bush, when he’s asked about strategy, he talks about tactics. I’m sure he knows the difference. Please God, let him know the difference between strategy and tactics. (I’ll be honest, I just googled it to make sure I knew. I did. Sort of.) Dan Froomkin of the Washington Post put it best:

“Tactics are what you use in the service of the strategy you choose to achieve your goal. Even the best tactics, in pursuit of an ill-chosen strategy, will not achieve the desired goal.”

This month has been the deadliest all year for US troops. We need to get the hell out of there and let the Sunnis and Shiites do what they want to do: kill each other. They’re doing it anyway and I think our Dear Leader said something about not putting our troops in the middle of a civil war? . . .uh, can’t find that quote. I remember he said it, but can’t find it. I'm not saying give up our fifty-first state, just deploy the troops just on the horizon, ready to go in if needs be, but let the carnage begin and deal with the winner. This thing is an unholy cluster-f*ck.

Today in the news, a stingray in Florida jumped into a boat and stung an 81 year old man in the chest. Is Al Qaeda behind this spat of stingray attacks, or do the stingrays have their own agenda? I blame the Clinton Administration.

Oh yeah, the other day El President Bush cut Habeas Corpus from the Constitution. So now the government can snatch you off the street, hold you indefinitely without charges, and torture you into confessing whatever they want you to confess. Ah yes! Smell the Freedom! Thanks Mr. President for keeping us all safer. You are so wise and powerful.

In other news, FDR asked for War with Japan on December 8, 1941. The war ended on V-J Day, September 2, 1945. That’s 3 years and ten months. We’ve been in Iraq since March 20, 2003. We’re going to be fighting in Iraq longer than we fought in WWII. Yeah US!

Haven’t updated in awhile. I’ve been working too much. But that’s a good thing. I’ve been busy at this tool and die place cleaning up after the last computer guy who had everything jacked up and then ran out on them. I got everything pretty much cleaned up.

Otherwise, I got nuthin. I’ve been watching the Tigers. They’re going to the World Series.

I did witness the most annoying people on the planet at Meijer today. They barked everything they said at the top of their lungs. Four husky girls in their twenties(?) with a toddler. Jesus, I wanted to run out of there screaming.

Well, I wish I had more time to expound on all things ME, but I have to do some stuff.

Peace out.

Here is the game my cell phone company plays:

I upgraded my cell phone, hoping to find happiness. My new phone works great, it is shiny and new, but I am no more happy than I was before. But that’s not why I’m writing you, the Internet User, today.

There is a $50.00 rebate, so the whole upgrade costs me a whopping 20 bucks. Nice. But here is the game they play:

On the rebate receipt, they warn:

“Merchandise is not eligible to be returned if the Manufacturer UPC code is removed from the box.”

Okay. Fair enough.

But on the $50.00 Mail-In Rebate Offer sheet thingy, it says:

“Please note, if you remove the bar code label from the equipment box, the product cannot be returned. Do not remove the bar code label to submit for rebate until after the return period is over.”

And of course, they want you to cut the UPC bar code off and send it in to get the rebate.

So. Two warnings. How long is the “return period”?

15 days.

What are they trying to accomplish with this? In two weeks, how many people are going to forget to send in their rebate form, or lose the paperwork? Tricky. Oh my Corporate Masters! You are more powerful than me!

Otherwise, I've had two days of zenlike non-drama cool-froodiness.

I fixed a hp plotter. The plotter needs a DHCP server. I rerouted some wiring on the shop floor that went to the CNC machine.

Then the plotter stopped working. After a short puzzlement, I found that the wire to the plotter had come loose when I was moving the unrelated wiring on the same switch.

I wrote a batch file to run a backup. I hooked up the external hard-drive I had just purchased.

The power cord to the external hard drive that I just purchased kept falling out. I had bought a faulty part.

I took it back to the technology store that will remain nameless (Circuit City)

I showed them the power cord falling out of the external hard drive.

They wouldn’t let me return it, because I didn’t have the 1 cent install CD that came with it, even though I never used it.

I left in a huff.

I drove halfway across town when I realized I forgot the receipt at the return counter.

I drove back.

I went in in a huff. I lost my cool. I demanded to see the manager. He agreed that it was a “dumb” policy blab la RMA returns etc etc.

I left in a huff. I came home in a huff. I almost bought beer, but instead I went jogging.

And now I typed this, and now I realize that I was wrong. I didn’t have to do anything “in a huff.” and I am a dumbass. Today anyway. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wise up.

Hey everybody! Today I made backup batch files, reconfigured static IP addresses (weird) and puzzled over the HP plotters inability to talk to a network. All of this with a looming motherboard change and industrial area cabling issues. Stay tuned! I am a geek!

I saw many traffic accidents, traffic, road construction and other hoo-haw. My back is feeling slightly better.

That’s it. I have no time for you now.

Peace!

Today Savannah and I enjoyed “Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan” At least, I enjoyed it. Savannah thought it was “too dramatic”. I cried when Spock was in that clear plastic chamber where he got radiation poisoning. When he put his hand up and made the “live long and prosper” sign, and Kirk put his hand on the other side of the glass, it broke my heart. Poor Spock.

We went to the mall, and Alex got a new winter coat. I made the embarrassing mistake of trying to climb the rock wall at the sports equipment place. I think I got ten feet before I fell. I should have tried the easier side. Now my back hurts, and I am sad. Boo Hoo.

We went to Henry Johnson Park on the way back. It was a beautiful day. I was able to redeem myself by climbing the little five-foot rock wall on the little play set there.

Now my back is killing me.

today I spent quality time with a juniper router. I made static ip addresses talk to ftp servers and i made virtual routes.

I told a man his computer was totalled because of lightning. I wrote his insurance company a little note to the same effect.

It's finally cooled off the way it is supposed to, and now there is a havest moon shining in the sky.

Nighty-night internet!

Yesterday: Photo Kiosk, Coopersville.
Today: Router that is not broken must be fixed anyway.

Okay, okay already, enough with the October Thunderstorms. I've had to unplug everything in the house about ten times already. I get enough calls for fried equipment to know better than to leave everything plugged in.

Remember kids, unplug your stuff during global-warming induced winter thunderstorms!

After getting a comment telling me to "relax," I re-read my stupid rant and realized that yes, I do need to relax. I sounded like and idiot. So I deleted the post.

Ha! I love the delete feature. Sometimes I like the sound of my own inner voice too much.

Peace!

Today: Juno reinstallation; external HD installation, CAD file corrupt; DSL/Router Hoo-Haw; reformat.

Heavy lightning, unseasonably(?) warm. Wind gusts and rain.

At the library, they have this self-checkout system. You just scan your library card and put each book on this pad, and it can identify each book. Then it prints you a receipt. Finally, a library visit with no human interaction whatsoever. Oh Progress, I love how you allow us all to live in our insular, safe little worlds.

I wonder if the machine that allows me to check out my own library books forwards the information to the Department of Justice. I hope so. Free thought and privacy are dangerous. I must obey the collective for the greater good.

Well, lemme see: Yesterday I took Alex to basketball practice. I hung around. They had some older basketball players there, and to demonstrate shooting technique, this girl, I suppose she was in High School, made ten 3 pointers in a row, moving around the arc. I couldn’t believe it. Swish, swish, swish. I’m not impressed very often, but that was some good shooting.

Saturday morning we went to “Anna’s House” breakfast place on Plainfield Boulevard. The food is kind of pricy, but the waitresses there are all young beautiful women with amazing, gravity defying breasts. I felt sort of guilty sitting there. There were a bunch of old geezers in there, and I can understand why.

So I took the girls there again this morning. But that’s it! I’m going to Denny’s from now on, where the waitresses are all unattractive and old, with flat chests.

Today we went to the mall, where there were an equal number of regular sized breasts and amazing breasts. I went to the bookstore to find a book on writing books, but they all looked like the same useless books I already own. And they didn’t have even one picture of breasts in them.

Well, enough of this. I have to write a bestseller, which may or may not feature amazing, fabulous breasted women bearing plates of food.

Oh cruel fate, how come you gotta be so cruel? I got an email a few minutes ago from the editor of RELEVANT magazine, letting me know that my kick-ass story about eccentric celebs is posted in his online magazine.

I get there and I’m like “hey, my article is right there, in a real online magazine.” I get ready to post the announcement to my loyal web-page readers, when my Internet connection goes down.

OH THE HUMANITY.

Of course, I suppose you’ve figured out that the connection is back up; otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this fresh post.

But right now, at eleven at night, my connection is still down. I’ll probably get more writing done tonight then ever before. The Internet is such a distraction. The cable modem is downstairs, and every five minutes, whether I want to or not, I go down there and see if the little green “online” light is still blinking.

I even walked next door to the neighbor’s. They said the Internet was up, which is even more frustrating, because now it’s just ME and not something going on at the other end of the line at Comcast. Dammit!

No time to blog . . . must . . . write . . . international best-selling novel . . . no time . . .

Today I installed 3 printers, 5 UPS, and a touch-screen. Thanks Don for the business. I organized the cabling in my techno-mobile. I mowed the lawn. Savannah’s school photos came in and she looks marvelous.

Writing a book is hard. There are so many words, and they have to be in the right order. There are characters, and they have to do and say interesting things. Things have to happen in a plausible way, but it can’t be just like real life, because real life is dull. It has to be entertaining and witty but not too witty.

Maybe I should just plagiarize something. But even that involves a lot of typing, and my fingers will get tired.

I might have to do research in order to make the book interesting enough for someone else to actually want to read it. All my science fiction is starting to sound like re-hashed Star Trek episodes.

My left elbow is all scraped up from me leaning on it, staring into my screen, trying to, by sheer force of will, to make shit happen in my story.

I don’t know my own mother’s address to send the school photos of Savannah to her. She moved.

Today the Internets tell me that a baby was killed in a Rottweiler attack. I don’t have the courage to click the link.

Today the Internets tell me that three children were drowned and stuffed in a washer and dryer. Their mother was killed, and the fetus inside of her was cut out.
The killer was her babysitter.

Today the News tells me as many soldiers have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan as were killed in the 9/11 attacks.

A government report is out that says the Iraq war has “fueled the terror threat” and has made America less safe. Duh. They could have called me and I would have told them that. I wonder how much that study cost. If it cost a million dollars to produce that government report, and that is probably a low estimate, I would have told them that for, oh, I don’t know $100,000. Just call me on the phone.

Today I put black and white cow-pattern contact paper over a box for Alex’s class at school. I understand it will hold books. I really enjoyed doing that.

Today I worked on my book, gave up on my book, and then started up on my book again. My book is a pain in the ass. I don’t know if I can write a book. I’m going to write one anyway.

Let all peoples of Earth know that my laptop files are now contiguous. Long live laptop.

It's official: this video is the weirdest thing I've seen on the Internets in a long time. Prepare to be amused and terrified.

If you Google the term "breathtaking breasts", my laptop story page comes up first.

Remember, the more you know, the more you grow.

Have a great weekend Internet junkies!

The following is an excerpt from a speech Gen. Smedley Butler delivered in 1933(?) It is one of over 1,200 speeches he delivered in over 700 US cities. In the first half of the 20th century, Gen. Butler was as well known as Colin Powell is today. He served 33 years in the US Marines and is one of only 19 people ever to receive TWO Congressional Medals of Honor - the highest decoration the US Military awards.

"War is just a racket. A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of people. Only a small inside group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few at the expense of the masses.

I believe in adequate defense at the coastline and nothing else. If a nation comes over here to fight, then we'll fight. The trouble with America is that when the dollar only earns 6 percent over here, then it gets restless and goes overseas to get 100 percent. Then the flag follows the dollar and the soldiers follow the flag.

I wouldn't go to war again as I have done to protect some lousy investment of the bankers. There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.

There isn't a trick in the racketeering bag that the military gang is blind to. It has its "finger men" to point out enemies, its "muscle men" to destroy enemies, its "brain men" to plan war preparations, and a "Big Boss" Super-Nationalistic-Capitalism.

It may seem odd for me, a military man to adopt such a comparison. Truthfulness compels me to. I spent thirty- three years and four months in active military service as a member of this country's most agile military force, the Marine Corps. I served in all commissioned ranks from Second Lieutenant to Major-General. And during that period, I spent most of my time being a high class muscle- man for Big Business, for Wall Street and for the Bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism.

I suspected I was just part of a racket at the time. Now I am sure of it. Like all the members of the military profession, I never had a thought of my own until I left the service. My mental faculties remained in suspended animation while I obeyed the orders of higher-ups. This is typical with everyone in the military service.

I helped make Mexico, especially Tampico, safe for American oil interests in 1914. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefits of Wall Street. The record of racketeering is long. I helped purify Nicaragua for the international banking house of Brown Brothers in 1909-1912. I brought light to the Dominican Republic for American sugar interests in 1916. In China I helped to see to it that Standard Oil went its way unmolested.

During those years, I had, as the boys in the back room would say, a swell racket. Looking back on it, I feel that I could have given Al Capone a few hints. The best he could do was to operate his racket in three districts. I operated on three continents."

I just got my copy of Tales of the Talisman 2.2 in the mail today. My short story "Fuel" is on pg. 28, and I reread it after a long time, and the ending is great! Plus, there's a kick-ass illustration that goes with it by Liz Clarke. AND . . . there's a bio of me on page 81. I want each and every one of you to click the cover right now and order your copy today.

Some politics: Yesterday, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez went on a rant, calling GWB “the devil” and said he smelled sulfur, blab la bla. At the beginning of his speech, he recommended a book by Noam Chomsky titled Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance (The American Empire Project). Out of curiosity, I looked it up on Amazon yesterday. It was number 14 on the top sellers list. This book was written in 2003.

Today, it’s at #5. Hmmmm.

Dear ____________________,

I want you to do everything you can to return paper ballots to all Michigan polling places. I don’t trust the voting machines. There is no physical way to verify votes; computerized voting machines could be tampered with or malfunction.

I am a computer technician, yet with something as important as voting, I want something more concrete than a touch screen when I enter the voting booth. Even if the only result would be more faith in our voting system, it would be worth it.

I know it is close to the elections and I’m sure all kinds of money went into installing these electronic voting machines, but I feel they are going to ruin voting rights in Michigan, and in America.

Sincerely,

Dan Manning

Well, yesterday I turned 40. Thanks to the thousands of folks who sent me five dollars. That’s going to go a long way toward paying some bills.

Today I got a five dollar per hour raise! That makes me a happy monkey.

It feels like fall finally. I thought I’d go out and enjoy the great outdoors, so I picked up dog poop in the back yard. The air was fresh and crisp, except when dog poop smell wafted off the shovel into my large, manly nostrils.

Speaking of nostrils, I’ve noticed some gray hair, but it’s all in my nose hair. Isn’t that weird?

Well, thanks for stopping by the ol’ homepage. Ya’ll come back and visit again!

So I get brave and turn on the local oldies station, thinking, “Oldies, how bad could they screw this up?” It started out okay, Janis Joplin’s 1971 hit “Me and Bobby McGee” from her album “Pearl.” Okay. That’s a pretty good song, it’s up there on my hypothetical list of really cool songs. So I’m thinking, “Maybe I can listen to local FM radio.” How do they screw up “oldies?” Simple. The next song was the 1982 suckfest that is “Ebony and Ivory.” After that, a barrage of the most banal, obnoxious commercials I’ve heard in a long time. I have two words for local FM radio commercial producers: “Stop yelling.”

And that’s why I don’t listen to local FM radio.

I’ve been tired and grumpy all day. I tried to watch the Lions, but it is painful to watch the same crappy team year after year, so we watched SpongeBob instead. Just looked it up, the Lions lost to the Bears 34-7. God they suck ass.

Deb was sleeping because she worked last night, and I was going crazy bored sitting around the house, so I took the girls to K-Mart so they could look at Halloween costumes. I sat in the lawn furniture section while they tried on masks and came over to “scare” me.

Later in the afternoon I learned how to juggle two softballs and a garden spade. I did pretty good.

I put the finishing touches on the new laptop installation. This thing is running so much better. I only loaded what I need, and I can’t believe the difference.

I did something I almost never do: I took a nap.

And now it’s nine PM, and I’m going to bed.

I also made my "writing brag sheet" page listing all the stuff I've had published. Hooray for me.

I spent today replacing my 40g hard drive with a 100g hard drive. I only put on the programs I need, and it’s going wicked fast now. I could have reformatted the old one, but having the old files on a backup HD makes me feel a little less nervous.

It went as smooth as expected, since I do this about five times a week anyway.

I had one appointment this morning, fixing wireless and removing Norton AV that was killing HP wireless printing service, when to bloated software programs fight, the only loser is the user.

I took Savannah to Circuit City and I bought what I have wanted for years: The first Star Wars movie on DVD. Now my life is complete.

Well, working on this laptop has eaten the entire day, so I have nothing more to write about.

And the hits keep on coming: Now my friggin’ garage door opener spring snapped. First the plumbing, then the stove, now the garage door opener. If any of you out there have put some sort of hex on me, please lift it, because my shit keeps breaking. I’m really sick of spending time and money on friggin’ repairs. I hate work.

And there's another sequel in the works: my hard drive is getting ready to crash, every other time I reboot i get "Operating System Not Found" dammit. That's more money on replacement parts.

My oldest daughter came in to borrow the stapler. For an "experiment" for school. She had ten pieces of tape, one labeled for each finger, on a piece of paper, one group of five for the left hand, one group of five for the right. She had printed the name of each finger neatly above each piece of tape.

Under the tape: her fingerprints.

I can understand they want the kids' fingerprints on file. I've given up any illusion of privacy or rights in this country a long time ago, and this is just one more minor chink in the illusion that you and I, as average taxpayer/consumer units, have any rights at all.

But come on already: if you want to fingerprint all the kids in school, just come right out and say what you're doing. Don't pretend it's some "experiment" for science class with some lame-ass fake school assignment. I mean Jesus Christ, just because we're wage-slave/serfs doesn't mean we're that stupid.

Let all people of Earth know that on this day I fixed the oven. I replaced the igniter. My wife made fun of the butt-crack that showed from under my shirt, and she said it proved that I was a handy-man. I told her to get in the kitchen and bake me a pie, but she didn't.