danmanning.com - 2005 blog

GOP Investigated Pres. Clinton's Cat But Only Plans 'Oversight' on Pres. Bush's Admitted Illegal Spying

1995: Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN), then chair of the House Government Reform and Oversight Committee, investigated whether taxpayers were footing the cost of stationery and postage for the fan club dedicated to President Clinton's cat, Socks. (They were not - and it turns out Barbara Bush's dog Millie had a fan club too.)

2005: Two weeks ago, President Bush admitted he willfully flouted a law that requires him to get warrants before wiretapping U.S. citizens. His justification for ignoring the law appears to be nobless oblige. In reaction, Republicans in charge of the Senate Judiciary Committee announced on Friday that they are planning “oversight” hearings into the matter. The president has admitted he broke the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) hundreds of times. Isn't it a bit late for “oversight?” --thanks barry 12.27.05/2121

May the spirit of Fat Elvis singing "Blue Christmas" serve and protect you and your family this holiday season. 12.24.05/0840

Today I didn't get any calls. I actually got two calls, but they were from people looking for jobs. I didn't have the heart to tell them that all they need is a cell phone and some business cards. Why let everybody in on the big secret? I heard from an old friend of mine, Kevin, and that was a good thing. He emailed me. Said he found my podcasts by googling my name. I got googled! Merry Christmas to Kevin and his family. I got some reading done, and I started my new bestselling novel. Now that I've sold a couple of short stories, I realize they don't pay shit.12.19.05/2224

Oh God! Two days straight of just reading. I spent most of yesterday in bed reading, and most of today by the fireplace reading. I have successfully done nothing all weekend, and it was good. 12.18.05/1542

Uh Oh . . . Rumsfeld might be fired: President Bush has given him the kiss of death:

. . .But the president said in an interview being aired Wednesday on Fox News Channel that the Pentagon chief wasn't leaving anytime soon.

"End of my term is a long time, but I tell you, he's done a heck of a good job," Bush said, "and I have no intention of changing him." -- stolen from here 12.16.05/0654

Oh My Fellow Americans. There is nothing to worry about. Oh my Fellow Fat Sleepy Americans, everything is going to be okay. The war is going to work itself out. Jesus is on our side, so the Insurgents were doomed the day they chose the wrong side. Jesus wants us to win. Jesus loves US. So there's nothing to worry about. I wonder how Jessica and Nick are doing now that they've split up. Just keep on doing what you're doing. (Is your PC slow or sluggish? Is it State of The Art? If it isn't, don't you think it should be? Buy. Buy Now. Buy.) Support the Troops, but don't bother to enlist. Support your Troops. Don't bother talking to your local Army Recruiter. Let other people take care of it. Everything will be fine. Just go about your business. What's Steven Spielberg up to? You have more important things going on right now. We understand perfectly. Just keep doing what you're doing. Pay your taxes. Pay your taxes. What's a few thousand young Americans? No big deal. Just keep doing what you are doing. Keep going to work. Got to pay the bills you know. How many DVDs do you own? Have you got any new ones?

Are you going to see the new King Kong movie? Have you heard the new 50 Cent CD?

Oh my well-dressed Americans. You sons of the Old West. My Great American Dreamers. You closet Clint Eastwoods. You Video Game Heroes. Freedom is on the March. Weapons of Mass Destruction? We never said that. This is about Freedom! You can take your scissors on planes now. We'll stop patting you down so much. Keep flying. Everything is going to be okay. Buy. Buy Now. Buy. Just go about your business. Have you seen the new Ipods? Have you seen the new CSI? The New Season of American Idol? Just keep doing what you're doing.

What kind of cell phone do you have? Does it have a camera? How many pixels? Oh that's so cool. You're hip. You're with it. Keep doing what you're doing. Ignore the man behind the green curtain.

Do you really care who your representative is in Congress? Do you even know what district you live in? Aw, forget about it. Who has time for that crap? I'm sure he's looking out for your best interests. Your Congressman is the ONE congressman who isn't letting you get butt-fucked by twenty lobbyists. Your Congressman has integrity. Your congressman is looking out for your best interests. He's not getting rich. He's not taking bribes. There's no reason to look into it. Do not pay attention. Really. Just go about your business. How's your team doing in the NFL? Got all your Christmas Shopping done? Lindsay Lohan made a new CD. Did you see that Johnny Cash movie?

Buy. Buy Now. Buy. Have you seen the new HD TVs? The picture on those things are fantastic. Don't you think you should have one? Everybody's getting them. Can't afford one? You could charge it. You can always charge it. You can afford it. You'll be able to pay it off. Charge it. Use the plastic. It's so easy. It's so convenient. Charge it. Buy. Buy Now. Buy.

Have we not given you Free Speech Zones? Have we not given you Designated Places to Express Your Free Speech? Do not cross this line. You are Free. You are Free to do whatever you want as long as you stay in Designated Areas. You are Free.

We can tap your phone. We can read your Email. But you are a Good Citizen. You have Nothing To Hide. What library books have you checked out? None. What's the matter? Aren't you Patriotic? You better be. That's right. We know you are Patriotic. You should Act like a Patriot. You don't read books do you? Good. Those things will just fill your head with crazy ideas. It's okay if we spy on you, because you have nothing to hide. You just go to work, you Buy. You Pay Your Taxes. You have Nothing To Worry About. Only Criminals need to worry about us watching them. We are watching you, but it's for your Own Good. You have Nothing To Hide. How bout those Supermodels huh? Crazy Skinny Girls. Do you like Country Music? We got that. Listen to that. Have a Beer. Relax. We will not Abuse Our Power. Relax. Watch some TV. Eat some Pizza.

By the way, in case you were wondering, there is no such thing as DoubleSpeak. Clear Skies Initiative. Patriot Act. Keep doing what you're doing. Does that thing have a Hemi in it? Ask your Doctor. Rich, smooth taste. Drink responsibly. Buy. Buy Now. Buy.

Who represents your district? What district do you live in? Oh, what difference does it make? It's all politics anyway. That stuff is too confusing. Who has time for that? Buy. Buy Now. Buy. They're just deciding how you'll live, how they'll spend your money, what rights you'll lose next. Don't worry about it. Did you hear about that poor girl lost in Aruba? Can you believe Scott Peterson did that? New Panda Cubs. New Panda Cubs. Nick and Jessica. Ben and Angelina. Poor Jennifer Anniston. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. 911. 911. 911. 911. 911.

You'll all have jobs soon enough. The glaciers are just fine. The deficit is nothing to worry about. Global Warming? Don't worry about it. Hey, does that have a Hemi in it? Wow, the grill of your new truck is really intimidating in my rear-view mirror. Grr! Your truck looks so angry and tough! You must really be a rugged outdoorsman. Have you backed up your files lately? Would you know what cow shit looked like if you saw it? What does that matter? You've got a cool truck! It looks cool when you go to Home Depot or Office Max. Buy. Buy. Buy Now!

These hurricanes, it's just a natural cycle. Nothing to worry about. You displaced peoples, something will come up. I mean, we made it through two world wars, a civil war, Vietnam, Korea, the Seventies, and the Great Depression. You'll work something out. Have you tried Red Bull yet? It's a real pick-me-up.

We cannot forget the lessons of 911. Freedom is on the March. It's hard work. We're making progress. I don't read the polls. Heh heh.

We are the Greatest Nation On Earth! We're no better or worse than anyone else. Except the Arabs, I mean, they're just screwed up. And the Chinese. Barbarians. And the Mexicans. And the Canadians. Please. Okay, we're the best country in the world, and Jesus is on our side. Just keep doing what you're doing. Buy. Buy Now. Buy. Beechwood Aged. New Centrino Technology. We got the Nukes, and we got Hollywood, and we got an Army. And We Got Jesus. Support the Troops. Buy a yellow magnet. Stick it on your SUV, fill up that big giant tank, hammer the gas, go to work, work. pay your taxes. Buy. Buy More. Buy.

Did we not win WWII? Did we not win the Cold War? We do not torture. We are invincible. The World better get in Line. Either you're with us or against us. We do not torture.

Just keep doing what you're doing. Your parents, when they get old, will be able to work something out. Somehow. Maybe they'll be able to move in with you. Oh, come on! Some people will just have to go without healthcare. I mean, so what if businesses don't open up shop here because they have to foot the bill for healthcare? Outsourcing is a good thing. Global economy. Some people will have to go without. That's just the way things work. I mean, that would be socialism. That's not freedom. We're free. Freedom. Lessons of 911. Freedom.

And you people who are doing okay now, don't worry about anything. We don't want to rock the boat or change the status-quo or anything. You're rich because you deserve to be rich. Everybody gets what they deserve.

And the rest of you: Buy. Buy Now. Buy. You'll pay off those debts somehow. Just charge it. Just charge it. Plastic is good. Buy. Buy Now. Buy.

Oh my sweet children of the American Revolution, you citizens of the most powerful country on earth, don't worry about a thing.

Ignore the man behind the Green Curtain. If your district has been changed up, don't worry. Do the Voters choose the Candidates, or do the Candidates choose the Voters? What's the difference? It's just a little Gerrymandering. Nothing to be afraid of. Just keep going to work and keep doing what your doing.

Just shut up and pay your taxes. We'll worry about how to spend it. I mean, we're not getting rich or anything. The lessons of 911. The lessons of 911. The lessons of 911. The lessons of 911.

Did you know that many lobbyists are former congressmen, and they can use the gym, cafeteria and all that just like they used to, but now they work for Big Corporations? You can't just sidle up to your congressman and chat him up on an issue, but rich white people can. Why? Because they're rich and you're not. And they know best. They have money and you don't, so they are better than you are. Just keep your mouth shut and keep doing what you are doing. There is nothing to worry about. These Big Corporations might ship your job offshore, but you can drive your big trucks to TWO jobs. Just make sure you pay your taxes. The Big Companies are looking out for You. Your Best Interests. Drive faster. You might be able to be first at the red light. Drive faster. Does that thing have a hemi in it?

Got your Christmas Shopping done? Jesus wants you to Buy. Buy Now. Buy. Show your love with merchandise.

It's okay for the wealthy to decide things for you. They're rich because they DESERVE to be rich. Obviously they did something right and you didn't. I mean, lets face it, if you're not rich now, you're never going to be. So let them decide what's best for you. They must have something on the ball, or they wouldn't have all that money. Right? I mean, you're only as valuable as your checkbook. You know what? Stay home on election day. We'll take care of everything. You're too busy. You have things to do.

Stanley Tookie Williams - I gotta weigh in on this one. This Tookie Williams guy killed four people with a shotgun. He's supposed to get executed later this evening. Everybody's making a big stink about it because he wrote some children's books and all of the sudden he's against gang culture. Boo hoo. Let me be clear: if poor little Tookie kills four people with a shotgun, he can write all the children's' books in the world and find Jesus, but the guy still killed four people with a shotgun. Personally, I think they should do away with the death penalty because of all these people who have been wrongly convicted. But writing children's books after you're thrown in jail for gunning down four people with a shotgun shouldn't get you leniency. F*ck this murderer and his children's books. The guy killed four people. I think they should stop executing people, but if they are going to execute people, execute this guy. He killed four people with a shotgun. I've never seen someone shot with a shotgun, but I can imagine it's pretty messy. I guess one of his victims was face-down on the floor when this "changed man" shot him. Later he killed a couple and their daughter for less than a hundred bucks. What a saint. Is there any way they could bring back the electric chair for this piece of shit? I'm sorry, I just hate it when everybody cries for these inhuman fucks who kill people for no reason whatsoever, and don't bother to mention that he gunned down four people with a fucking shotgun . Sorry, had to rant there. I'm all better now. 12.13.05/0034

The 10 most frequently looked up words and their definitions, according to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary site:

1. Integrity -- Firm adherence to a code, especially moral or artistic values; incorruptibility.

2. Refugee -- One that flees; especially a person who flees to a foreign country or power to escape danger or persecution.

3. Contempt -- Willful disobedience to or open disrespect of a court, judge or legislative body.

4. Filibuster -- The use of extreme dilatory tactics in an attempt to delay or prevent action, especially in a legislative assembly.

5. Insipid -- Lacking in qualities that interest, stimulate or challenge; dull, flat.

6. Tsunami -- A great sea wave produced especially by submarine earth movement or volcanic eruption.

7. Pandemic -- Occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population.

8. Conclave -- A private meeting or secret assembly, especially a meeting of Roman Catholic cardinals secluded continuously while choosing a pope.

9. Levee -- An embankment for preventing flooding; a continuous dike or ridge (as of earth) for confining the irrigation areas of land to be flooded.

10: Inept -- Generally incompetent; bungling

Much sledding: We've had some snow. Took Savannah out sledding while Alex was at church with a friend. Then Savannah and I went to Pando for some inner-tube sledding. That's fun times. Then, Savannah went to a birthday party, so Alex and I went sledding. Sledding sledding sledding. 12.04.05/1905

Also: Sexual Innuendo found in The People that Time Forgot: I've been reading Edgar Rice Burroughs' amazing adventure, and I'm finding some pretty steamy sexual imagery, such as:

BIG FRIGGIN' ANNOUCEMENT: I sold another short story! This time to Tales of the Talisman.

Hmmm . . . torture. Yummy:
"The water board technique dates back to the 1500s during the Italian Inquisition. A prisoner, who is bound and gagged, has water poured over him to make him think he is about to drown. Current and former CIA officers tell ABC News that they were trained to handcuff the prisoner and cover his face with cellophane to enhance the distress. According to Sen. hn McCain, R-Ariz., himself a torture victim during the Vietnam War, the water board technique is a 'very exquisite torture' that should be outlawed. 'Torture is defined under the federal criminal code as the intentional infliction of severe mental pain or suffering,' said John Sifton, an attorney and researcher with the organization Human Rights Watch. 'That would include water boarding.'" lifted from here.11.30.05/0630

habeas corpus Lat. "you have the body" Prisoners often seek release by filing a petition for a writ of habeas corpus. A writ of habeas corpus is a judicial mandate to a prison official ordering that an inmate be brought to the court so it can be determined whether or not that person is imprisoned lawfully and whether or not he should be released from custody. A habeas corpus petition is a petition filed with a court by a person who objects to his own or another's detention or imprisonment. The petition must show that the court ordering the detention or imprisonment made a legal or factual error. Habeas corpus petitions are usually filed by persons serving prison sentences. In family law, a parent who has been denied custody of his child by a trial court may file a habeas corpus petition. Also, a party may file a habeas corpus petition if a judge declares her in contempt of court and jails or threatens to jail her.

I once took Madonna to the airport. She was standing by the side of the road with a mountain of high priced luggage two miles west of McPherson Kansas in 1993. I pulled over in my 1963 sky-blue Ford Fairlane and asked her if she needed a ride.

She had eight bags with her, all expensive luggage. I threw the bags in the trunk and back seat, and we were off.

Trying to remain cool, I pretended not to recognize her. She was wearing sunglasses, and her hair was pulled back in a pony-tail, and she was wearing jeans and a simple white top. But I knew her instantly. She was really pissed off.

“That twit Raphael is going to be so fired when I get back to L.A.,” she said. In '96 she had yet to put on her ridiculous fake British accent, so her saying “twit” was sort of prophetic.

“Oh, thank you,” she said, and she finally smiled, showing the famous gap between her teeth.

I drove her to the airport. She gave me gas money and autographed a Domino's Pizza box I had in the back seat. I still have that pizza box. I have it framed in my office. No one believes me when I tell this story. 11.27.05/1707

BLACK FRIDAY: I didn't do any shopping. In fact, we went to Fred Meijer Gardens and looked at the Xmas trees for awhile. Deb did brave the crowds to get an office chair for her new desk upstairs. I dropped off one machine and picked up another. I guess people are trampling each other for cheap stuff now. Animals. Merry Thanksmas everybody. 11.25.05/2027

Just when I think the world can't get any goofier, when I think we've finally jumped off the brink into madness, something goofier comes up and surprises me: Michael Brown, the Uber-F*ckup who used to run FEMA, is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm.(link) Whah? Wha-wha-what? Hamina-hamina-hamina-hamina. Somebody get me a f*cking straight jacket. Have we slipped into the friggin' twilight zone or something? 11.24.05/2258

What am I thankful for? Tryptophan. Because I ate turkey, I got sleepy. Because I got sleepy, I took a nap. Because I took a nap, I didn't have to witness the unholy suck-fest that is the Detroit Lions . I am also thankful for electricity, because we lost if for about two hours today. Happy Thanksgiving Everybody! 11.24.05/2031

It's 11 at night, and I'm aimlessly clicking around the Internet. For what? I'm afraid to open that crappy book I've been procrastinating for the last few months. It's shit. I should just start with something new. Something that hasn't molded like old cheese, stinking up my hard-drive with it's unmitigated crappiness. Jesus Christ. 11.23.05/2305

Loyal Readers, if you are at the movie rental place, and you see the movie "Alone in The Dark," in God's name, do not rent this movie. It is an unholy crapfest from start to finish. 11.22.05/2058

There are many reasons I don't go to the local Meijer store anymore. It has nothing to do with being let go. It has everything to do with the risk of getting run down in the crowded parking lot, giving the fish-eye by the geriatric security lady, the crowded isles and all that. But the real reason I don't go there is because THEY DON'T HAVE ANY F**KING BRACHS ROOT BEER CANDY!! I mean Jesus H. Christ on a pogo-stick, how f**ked up is it when they don't have root beer candy? 11.22.05/1606

Took Savannah to see the new Harry Potter movie. It was pretty intense for a kids' flick. Alex didn't go, it would be too frightening for her. After that we too a walk at Provin Trails. We took Ginger. Another dog, being walked without a leash, ran up, and Ginger bit the other dogs. Serves them right. Otherwise, it's been a pretty dull Saturday. 11.19.05/1726

Somebody pooped in the downtown YMCA pool today. This had been a PSA from danmanning.com 11.12.05/2054

Hey now. Not much is going on. I opened a flickr account (photo sharing software) so I could experiment with this site: http://www.marumushi.com/apps/flickrgraph/. But since I don't have anyone to link up with, it doesn't really work. Flickr has this invitation thing to use, but I don't want to give out my friends' email addresses. (you're welcome). So if everyone could please open a www.flickr.com account and link up to my account, it would be greatly appreciated. 11.10.05/0759

My friend Barry is a truck driver. Today, he's been through Bude, Chunky and Scooba Mississippi. Can you believe these places exist? Well, they do. 11.9.08/1901

Thanks Barry for re-introducing me to a site I liked, forgot about, and then had to be reminded of: democraticunderground.com. Looking over that site led me to another good one: pre$$titutes.com 11.7.05.0724

Thanks Don for linking to www.nowaterball.com back at ya: cooladventures.net Don has been around the world running marathons and doing all sorts of other cool things I wish I could do. Check out his web page. He also is the mastermind behind the Grand Rapids Marathon . Thanks again Don! 11.6.05.1857

I had an idea for a script to read when telemarketers call. I was going to call it reverse telemarketing, but it turns out that already means something else. So I'll call it Passive Telemarketing Strategy. What I'm going to do is write a script similar to the ones telemarketers use, but I'll read it instead of letting them read theirs. I'm torn between actually trying to sell something, or writing a nonsensical script that will just waste time. I think it will start with something like:

I know you aren't allowed to hang up, and I have no intention of buying anything. But while you're on the line, I'd like to tell you about a great new product . . .

And then just launch into a sales pitch. The script could be printed out and left by the phone, so if any telemarketers call, you let them have it. (Time permitting of course. If I'm busy, forget about it.) 11.6.05/1816

I couldn't stand watching Joey H. F*ck up again, so I watched the New York Marathon highlights instead. What a finish. The closest finish in NYMarathon history . One guy posted a 4:21 mile -- on mile 15. that's crazy. 11.6.05/5:36pm

I had to take three machines in Friday, and I spent all Saturday trying to get rid of them. I dropped off two, and got a call back from one within an hour, the customer saying the machine locked up when they opened Easy CD creator. Never seen it before in my 2 years doing this on my own, so I had to take it back and format it again. Spent all Saturday dinking around with it.

This morning, dropped the second one off @ 8:30 this morning, breaking my rule to never work on Sunday. 11.6.05/4:17pm

I officially am sick of hearing about New Orleans . F#ck em. 11.5.05/9:31pm.

~~I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but would somebody please bury Rosa Parks already? They did the same thing with Reagan and the last Pope. How long can you drag stuff out? I'm almost sick of Rosa Parks. Not becase I'm sick of Rosa Parks, but sick of the media coverage of Rosa Parks. 11/3/05 6:00am

Oh my God . . . if you've got a broadband connection, watch this video . Some nine-year old kid arguing with his mother. But he's playing Xbox live game and left the headset on . . . got to see to believe. 10/31/05 09:38pm

Well, I went to NE for Grampa Dzingle's funeral. Gilbert lived a long and full life and now he's resting in peace. It was great seeing the family, but it's great to be back home. I flew there and back, and I have to admit I was nervous to fly, since I haven't flown since the Homeland Security folks decided to make us all "safer."

I have either an ear infection or a serious case of sinus pressure, because it feels like there's a golf ball lodged behind my left eye. 10.30.05/8:37pm

so, i'm trying to read some classic horror fiction. I've been trying to read a book of H.P Lovecraft stories, but I can't finish the book. I know it's GREAT WRITING and all that, but honestly, I personally think it sucks ass. I'm sure it's because of my bad taste or lack of couth, but I've slogged through half of a book of his stories, but I can't finish it. I'll never read Lovecraft again. Sorry, I think it's boring at best. 10.25.05/4:36pm

finally, a batman movie that doesn't suck ass . . . no wait, it gets flakey toward the end . . . oh my goodness! they left it open for a sequel! what a surprise! 10.22.05/8:46pm

Remarks by the President to the Press Pool
Nothin' Fancy Cafe
Roswell, New Mexico

Q Sir, on homeland security, critics would say you simply haven't spent enough to keep the country secure.

THE PRESIDENT: My job is to secure the homeland and that's exactly what we're going to do. But I'm here to take somebody's order. That would be you, Stretch -- what would you like? Put some of your high-priced money right here to try to help the local economy. You get paid a lot of money, you ought to be buying some food here. It's part of how the economy grows. You've got plenty of money in your pocket, and when you spend it, it drives the economy forward. So what would you like to eat?

THE PRESIDENT: Stretch, thank you, this is not a press conference. This is my chance to help this lady put some money in her pocket. Let me explain how the economy works. When you spend money to buy food it helps this lady's business. It makes it more likely somebody is going to find work. So instead of asking questions, answer mine: are you going to buy some food?

THE PRESIDENT: See, his job is to ask questions, he thinks my job is to answer every question he asks. I'm here to help this restaurant by buying some food. Terry, would you like something?

THE PRESIDENT: Obviously these people -- they make a lot of money and they're not going to spend much. I'm not saying they're overpaid, they're just not spending any money.

Q Do you think it's all going to come down to national security, sir, this election?

THE PRESIDENT: One of the things David does, he asks a lot of questions, and they're good, generally.

i do not understand the cia valerie plame leak scandal. apparently, this article explains it, but i still can't tell who's guilty of what. throw the bums out! - 10.20.05/6:32am

venus is bright in the west. looks like an approaching airplane. (but it wasn't.) took the family out to the school behind the house to look at it, and savannah and i saw a falling star. isn't that special? went back to the hideout brewing company to drop off a computer to a friend of mine . everybody was really cool about me not drinking. i had a root beer like a little boy. - 10.19.05/8:4pm

did i mention how much i hate NPR fund-drive week? - again with the friggin begging. Oh sure, i listen to NPR because I'm a hoity-toity nancy-boy, but Jesus Christ! stop begging me for money. Bla bla bla bla bla. Just tell me about some endangered species or some dirt-baked african country so i can feel informed. - 10.19/05/8:01am

I signed the contract to sell my first story in the October issue of Amazing Journeys Magazine. Can't wait to see my stuff in print!

Otherwise, business is slow this week. I had one appointment today and I'm waiting on a customer to call back about a machines that needs to be lobotomized. I'm not doing podcasts anymore. Now that I've sobered up, i realize that it's stupid. There's no money in it, and I find myself with nothing to say. I didn't have anything to say before, but now I actually realize I had nothing to say. Am I starting to sound like a snob?

What's the best Christmas gift this year? It has to be a NoWaterBall from www.nowaterball.com. These fantastic novelty golf-balls are the perfect stocking stuffer for the golfer in your life. Take them out on the course and let your golf buddies know you care. Hoo-boy, those are some great golf-balls.

I have the sinuses right now. Speaking of golf-balls, it feels like one is lodged in my sinus passages. Is it wrong to huff Vicks VapoRub all day long until you're high? - 10.18.05/11:11am

beg beg beg. Shut the hell up and tell me what's going on in Angola or something. It's the "Fall Membership Drive". They keep trying to transmit guilt on me so I'll give them money. Hoity-Toity bastards. Wine-sipping art-lovers. 10.17.05/8:29am

Is it just me, or is the shit-storm about to get worse? The front is moving toward the syrian border.

from nytimes.com:
One of Mr. Bush's most senior aides, who declined to be identified because of the sensitivity of the subject, said that so far American military forces in Iraq had moved right up to the border to cut off the entry of insurgents, but he insisted that they had refrained from going over it.

But other officials, who say they got their information in the field or by talking to Special Operations commanders, say that as American efforts to cut off the flow of fighters have intensified, the operations have spilled over the border - sometimes by accident, sometimes by design. more . . .

1989 the number another summer (get down)
Sound of the funky drummer
Music hittin' your heart cause I know you got soul
(Brothers and sisters, hey)
Listen if you're missin' y'all
Swingin' while I'm singin'
Givin' whatcha gettin'
Knowin' what I knowin'
While the Black bands sweatin'
And the rhythm rhymes rollin'
Got to give us what we want
Gotta give us what we need
Our freedom of speech is freedom or death
We got to fight the powers that be
Let me hear you say

Chorus
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
We've got to Fight the powers that be.

As the rhythm designed to bounce
What counts is that the rhymes
Designed to fill your mind
Now that you've realized the prides arrived
We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
It's a start, a work of art
To revolutionize make a change nothin's strange
People, people we are the same
No we're not the same
Cause we don't know the game
What we need is awareness, we can't get careless
You say what is this?
My beloved, lets get down to business
Mental self defensive fitness
(Yo) bum rush the show
You gotta go for what you know
Make everybody see, in order to fight the powers that be
Lemme hear you say...
Fight the Power

Chorus

Chorus

Elvis was a hero to most
But he never meant, shit to me you see
Straight up racist that sucker was
Simple and plain
Mother fuck him and John Wayne
Cause I'm Black and I'm proud
I'm ready and hyped plus I'm amped
Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamps
Sample a look back you look and find
Nothing but rednecks for 400 years if you check
Don't worry be happy
Was a number one jam
Damn if I say it you can slap me right here
(Get it) lets get this party started right
Right on, c'mon
What we got to say
Power to the people no delay
Make everybody see
In order to fight the powers that be

Chorus

What we got to say
fight the power,cmon

Holy crap, everything I touch breaks: I've had two motherboards (both mine) stop working. I've had one hard-drive (a customer's) crash while on my workbench, which means I have to bite the bullet on a hard-drive. I found one on sale. I thought about charging the customer for it, but what am i going to say? "Oh, by the way, your hard-drive, which was working perfectly well when I picked it up, just happened to crash on the day I took it in. Sorry." So I bite it on the HD. Luckily, I had already backed up the files before it crashed. That's all that matters anyway. The fun doesn't stop there. I dropped off a machine just now. I was hooking up the cords and everything was fine, and the cable modem, WHICH I DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH starts blinking out. The guy then tells me that the socket for the power cord was really touchy, and he's been meaning to get it fixed for weeks. So when I moved the cords to hook up the PC, it moved the power cord for the cable modem, and it crapped out completely. No amount of "fiddling" with it the guy did would bring it back.

Hm, why am I only updating this on Wednesdays? Just coincidence. I'm just busy. Busy writing, busy fixing the computers, busy this and that. We visited Brian, Anne and the baby this evening. Such a cute baby. Forgot how small they are. They cut down the tree Monday. I took a picture of the not-tree. I'll put it up sooner or later. Otherwise, I got nuthin.

Finished another story today. It's a doozy. Otherwise, not much going on. I painted the house. It's been kind of slow on the computer fix-it front, but that happens. After two years, it's not a big deal. Business picks up.

Oh Lions, why do you have to tease so? They came so close to winning in Tampa Bay. What did I expect. We Lions fans are like abused spouses. We keep expecting things to get better, but they never do. I painted all day. I'm beat.

Why no updates recently? Oh, I don't know. We sold the house and got the money and paid a bunch of stuff off and now I am so happy. I put my stories on the website: click here to read all of my fantastic fiction. Work was slow Monday and Tuesday, but it picked up today. I've started working on a new book, so don't expect to hear from me too often.

Nipples for men.
Cancer.
The platypus.
Aids.
War.
Avocado pits (too big).
Arthritis.
Hurricanes.
Mad cow disease.
Skin cancer.
Birth defects.
Nuclear bombs
Irreversible paralysis.
Crack.
VD.
Intelligent design my ass.

Hey! It's my birthday everybody, so send me ten dollars. Ha ha, I'm kidding. Sort of.

I did get an unexpected surprise today when I got an email from a publisher of a magazine (in India, but hey, i'm ready to be published in India) saying he saw a story of mine on the Internet. He sent a link to where he had seen it, and sure enough, there was my story at a web magazine I'd sent a story a while ago.

I had two stops today. I fixed my postman's computer. Now, not only does the postman know where I live, but I know where he lives. How many of you out there can say that? Send me an email and let me know.

Holy Crap. Thanks Justin for pointing this out. The Feds are f*cking losing their minds with this stuff.

I had two calls in the afternoon, but otherwise it has been a slow day, and I'm okay with that. I rented some movies for the weekend, and I plan on just hanging out, might paint the house, and write. I rented Return of the Pink Panther (for me); TRON (for the girls); and The Village(for Deb).

I am on a news, politics, and informational hunger strike. I'm sticking my head in the sand, and I'm not watching any more news. I don't want to know anything. It's all the same crap. Politicians are crooked, rich people keep getting richer, everybody else keeps getting screwed. It's the same thing that's been going on since biblical times. The only thing that changes are the gadgets.

So screw it, I'm done with the news. I couldn't keep up with it. Floods and wars and political bullshit and gas prices and bla bla bla bla bla. Ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.

I did glance at the newspaper on the rack when I gassed up the van this evening. It seems that the rap group NWA is going bankrupt. I didn't even know those guys were still together.

Let's hope NWA can get back on their feet and produce more of that great gangsta rap we all know and love. A lot has happened since their hit 1988 release Straight Outta Compton. It's a shame when good things have to end.

It's A1 Computer Service & Repair 2nd anniversary! And in celebration, I'll be offering these spectacular deals! . . . (Not really, business as usual, but I've been self-employed and loving it for 2 years now. Take that you corporate-America bastards!

Yesterday I worked half the day and messed around the other half. Today is the third(?) anniversary of the world trade center/terrorist attacks. Uh. I have no comment. Can't think of anything to say except it's amazing that we can figure out how to make a bad thing worse. I'll be honest, I don't even give a shit anymore.

(9:02 PM) The lions won! They beat Green Bay 17-3! They played like a real live NFL team! Hope they aren't just pulling our chain again.

Drove all the way to Pierson to fix a PC. Connected two customers back to the Internet, so my customers can enjoy the Interenet and all of its glorious bounty. Had to work on a DOS program that wouldn't print to a new printer, but it's hard to break people of using old software, because the old software works so well. Oh DOS, why did you go away?

I'm sick of the hurricane and the way it exposed "homeland security" for the sham that it is. Somehow, after seeing that mess, I don't feel so secure anymore.

I've been sober for twenty days now, and I feel like I have a super-genius melon compared to the feeble, beer-sodden brain power I had before.

But a wise man once said, "A man's got to know his limitations," and I know mine. If I were a super-genius, I wouldn't be hauling my ass all the way to Pierson to fix a six year old PC.

I'm getting hurricane coverage overload. Can't imagine going through something like that, I can barely watch it on television. Compared with the Hell they're going through down there, high gas prices are something I can live with. I appreciate everything I have after seeing it taken away from so many others. If you haven't already done so, give to the red cross at www.redcross.org. Put off buying some stupid stuff and help somebody else out instead.

I painted the house today and delivered a computer I had to reformat. Otherwise, I got nothing.

It's been two years since I got canned from my job, and I couldn't be happier. It was a great career move on my part. ha ha. But it is nice to work for the best boss in the whole world: ME.

Today we went to Castle Farms way up in Charlevoix. http://www.castlefarms.com It's a little under a 3 hour drive. We got the girls' portraits drawn and they were having a craft festival. We stopped off at Lake Charlevoix and went to the beach. Pretty cheap day trip altogether, and we had a great time.

I haven't posted here in awhile because I have been glued to my television. If you haven't done so already, give to the red cross @ www.redcross.org and give generously. Hell, you already have debt. Why not put it to good use? Skip buying something stupid and help out some poor people.

There's been a lot of carping about the slow response, but I don't think there's been enough carping. George W. Bush is directly responsible for the deaths of thousands of people. First, save the people, and when things are stabilized, impeach this ass-clown for criminal negligence. What will it take for people to wake up and realize that our "president" is functionally retarded?

Go and see The 40 Year Old Virgin. Deb and I saw it today, and I give it 5 astericks. * * * * *

I listen to public radio a lot, and I can usually sit through anything. Sometimes they have some really boring programming, like about some rare woodpecker being spotted and all that. But today they interviewed Jane Fonda, and I knew it was going to be bad, but this vacuous, arrogant no-talent blathered on about herself so much, it was painful to listen to, and I had to turn it off. It was horrible. A discussion about Rawandan genocide? No problem. Jane Fonda? Now that is something I have no stomach for.

Don't bother taking a hard-drive apart. They don't go back together. (Just tinkering with an old hard-drive. Customers, do not be alarmed!

Deb and I went to Charlie's Crab for dinner. That place was fantastic. Had the salmon. Yummy. Expensive, but it was really good.

Gas is so expensive, I walked to the dollar store / Pat Robertson says "sorry" about calling for assasinating Hugo Chavez. / I had a customer @ green lake in Caledonia. Beautiful lake. / I installed a wireless router, a dsl router, and reformated a Dell PC from around 1999.

Look, I'm on the wagon, and that's all there is to it. For good. Gotta do it. Must conserve brain power and money. Don't give me any crap about it either.

"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it . . . It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said. "We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."
--Pat Robertson(700 Club) talking about Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez

Here's how worthless I am: I found this site that lists every episode of seinfeld (see July 16 below). So I printed it out. Since I was watching Seinfeld on the Tivo anyway, i'm checking off every episode until I see them all. I am a dork.

Gasoline is close to three bucks a gallon. The future is now. Welcome to the 21st Century. Time for a nostalgic and inaccurate look at the Twentieth Century.

There might be a few five-year olds reading this, but I doubt it. Most of us grew up in another century. The 20th Century. We had 20th Century Fox. We had rabbit ears on televisions. We had albums. We smoked on airplanes, drove drunk, blew up M-80s, and slapped women around when they got out of line.

We thought microwave ovens had the off-chance of giving us cancer. We had the USSR to worry about, a nice big target we could understand. They didn't do anything unexpected, and the only thing they threatened us with was nuclear annihilation.

John Wayne was alive and well. We had three networks and we had three anchor men to keep us calm.

The Corporations hadn't bought up all the stadiums and renamed them. We had to go see bank tellers.

We could get on any damn airplane we wanted, because we were Americans . It used to mean something to be an American. We won WWII and saved the world from Hitler and the world knew enough to thank us for it. We were Hippies and Fascists, but we were all on the same side. We were all Americans. We weren't left and right. There were no Red and Blue states.

We didn't wear seat-belts or bicycle helmets. The seat belts were buried somewhere in the seat and we had no reason to dig them out. Anyone wearing a bicycle helmet would be beat up or at least ridiculed on principle. Bullies were just bullies. There was no mamby-pamby rules about bullying. If you got picked on, it was just getting your ready for the real world. Oh what wonderful, barbaric times those were.

If a kid failed, he got an F. Now nobody wants to tell the kids they failed. It might hurt their little feelings. Nobody gets an F anymore. Nobody fails. Everybody's special. Yeah right.

When we went on vacation, nobody could get hold of us. That's why we went on vacation.

Everybody had health-insurance and a retirement plan. Social Security was secure. The Government knew what it was doing.

If you wanted to play a video game, you had to go to the convenience store and pay a quarter. There were no naked people in video games. Monsters were bulky and fake looking. Video games didn't warp the mind. Rock music warped the mind.

In the 20th century, special effects were cool. Now they're expected, and you can't really tell when something is computer generated or when it's real. In the 20th century, stunt-men in unconvincing wigs had to risk their lives to make a movie. Now they use a computers for the “stunts”.

The Year 2000 was a dream. We imagined that in The Year 2000, we would all drive hover-cars and enjoy inter-stellar space travel. Wars and intolerance would be a thing of the past. Captain Kirk would be out there exploring the universe with his multi-cultural staff. We would eat a pill for dinner and diseases would be cured and it would be a bright a glorious future.

Dick Tracy was an amateur compared to today's Blackberry-toting, text-message-addicted wired people. (You see kids, Dick Tracy was this comic book detective and he. . . oh never mind.) We're never out of touch. Remember Captain Kirk's communicator? Bulky compared to today's cell phones. And his didn't even have a camera. (Captain Kirk, for you youngsters, was this guy in a science-fiction television series . . . Oh forget it.)

Infants, infants are being kept off of planes because their names are on no-fly lists. This has actually happened. I'm not making this up.

We pause live TV and play our music on tiny gadgets that have no moving parts. We can download video anytime we want. We can watch that guy get his head cut off as many times as we want.

We don't have to copy albums to cassette tapes. We download songs off file-sharing sites.

Once upon a time, you had to go to a theatre and watch a movie after it came out! Now, if you know the right people, you can see a movie for free before it comes out. Or they send the movies to you in the mail. Or you can download them.

People really do have antenna coming out of their heads, in the form of head-sets for cell-phones, or those little things they hang off their ears.

Back in the 20th, if you saw somebody sitting in a car by themselves, and they were talking, it was a because they were crazy. Now you can't tell.

The space-shuttles, once the proud cutting edge of space travel, are OLD. The space station is OLD. Nobody cares about space travel unless there's a good chance of seeing something explode.

We order our books online. Pay our bills online. Grandma gets pictures of the kids online and sends them to the store for printing online. She has to go to Canada for her prescription drugs though. Poor Grandma.

Gasoline is close to three-bucks a gallon. Some people are hacking their hybrid cars to run on batteries. Oil is running out?! Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. Sure, we had an energy crunch in the seventies, but three-bucks a gallon?

Yesterday I had to take our mini-van into the dealership to have them REPROGRAM THE CAR-KEYS. Only in a dystopian future could they mess up the design on car keys. The van has scores of onboard computers built into it. We have a DVD player to pacify the kids and radar on the bumpers to warn us before we back into anything when we go to the mall. That van has more computing power than the Apollo space-capsules.

Surgeons use robot arms to operate on patients from miles away. Judges talk to the accused via video-conferencing. Computers are everywhere.

You used to have to put up flyers to get your point out. Now you register a website and post a blog.

We used to have the USSR. Now we have terrorists who don't want to land the planes anymore. They don't want to go anywhere, they have no demands and no political agenda. They're a death-cult that just wants to kill people. They make bombs out of toys and cell phones. A morphing, invisible threat that offers no nice big target like the USSR. Man I miss the USSR. That was easy.

DNA tells us that “Oops!” maybe black guys weren't guilty of everything. “Sorry sir, but you've just spent decades in jail for a crime you didn't commit. Sorry! Our mistake. Guess you've got some catching up to do!”

In the 20th century, minorities were discriminated against, then they were off-limits for discrimination. But in the 21st, gays— well forget about it! We can make laws to discriminate against them all we want. They're gay! Hell, let's change the Constitution. The founding fathers might have been slave-owners, but they certainly weren't gay!

In the 20th century, religious people liked Peace. Now they like WAR! In the 20th, you supported the troops by building an airplane or signing up at the recruiting office or rationing gasoline or buying war-bonds. Now you slap a magnet on your SUV and call it good.

In the 20th century, we made our own cars and we manufactured stuff. Now we outsource everything to other countries.

Another fantabulous day. I got up at six and wrote for two hours. I got two calls and both of them ended up being re-formats. I washed the car. I'm gonna go get some vodka and write some more. I got to load the dishwasher. I have gas. I hit some golf-balls. I'm wearing tennis-shoes with no socks. I took the van in to get the car-keys reprogrammed. (don't ask). The dealership guy said it would take a half hour. It took an hour.

Well, GWB says that using force in Iran is a "last resort" which probably means they're already drawing up plans to invade. Go Bush! "Blessed are the peacemakers" you bastard.

In news around home: There is no news. Yesterday I took it easy. Had lunch with Deb, puttered around the yard. Today I delivered a PC and I'll mow the lawn later.

Alex got her ears pierced yesterday. She didn't cry. Took the family to Michigan's Adventure amusment park Thursday. It rained. I did the RipCord, which is like bungie jumping except you swing on this giant arch. I'd put up a picture, but i can't find my camera.

Took the kids to Fred Meijer Gardens and walked around in the heat. The wetlands part wasn't so wet. All dried up. Hit some golf-balls at the school and had a few of my new favorite drink, cranberry juice, 7-UP and Schmirnoff Vodka. Yum Yum.

I've been busy chillin' and grillin' to talk to ya'all, but I have this message: "Be excellent to each other" and "Don't tailgate."

I've been too busy to write anything here. So. I guess that's it. Hm. I need some content for this web-page.

After a bombing, don't fake like your running onto the subway. The cops are likely to shoot ya. Dumb-ass. I got no pity for the jackass who tried to run past the cops the day after a terrorist bombing in London. Shoot the mother f**ker.

My dad and sister are in town this week. We've had a nice visit, (lots of golf!)

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I love the way religion brings people together. God that's funny.

I finally got a call today ( at 6 PM) but I'm lucky enough to have this HTML gig to fill in the gaps. I went cabin-fever and had to go to the hideout brewing company to get my beer on.

I'm golfing too much. I'm drinking too much. Help! I'm losing control . . . losing control . . . plus, my game isn't improving. must . . . golf . . . more . . .

(later that day . . .) okay, i'm drying out today. no golf (unless its on the x-box) and no booze. Otherwise, i got nuthin'. Check out alex's loose tooth (pic)

Right before the 2 Minutes Silence in London, maybe they should have done a 2 Minutes Hate.

Thanks NASA for wasting billions so you can be "excited" and "thrilled" about your next "mission" into space to do nothing. Hey NASA, stop wasting my tax money. All you do is go on joy rides and do stupid lab experiments that contribute nothing. Didn't you guys see the movie Apollo 13 ? Nobody gave a shit then, and nobody gives a shit now.

Why don't you put all that brain power into alternative fuel you narcissistic jackasses? That would be useful. Unless you can make a video game or a reality show out of this, you're not going to inspire kids to do squat.

Mowed the lawn early this morning to avoid the heat. Plan on doing NOTHING for the rest of the day.

Went golfing at Grand Island. Shot a 44 on front 9. Only had one bad hole (water)

Golfed 18 with Brian, Jay, and Taylor at Wallinwood Springs Golf Club. We had a good time. Didn't golf so good, but we had a good time. Thanks Jason for putting that together.

I hate the holidays, and i'm bored. I golfed 18 holes today. The back nine at Grand Island GC twice. I shaved 7 strokes off my game from one round to the next. I can't get rid of my slice, and it's killing me.

Deb is painting the , living room, but i want no part of it. i hate painting. i have always hated painting, and i will continue to hate painting until i die.

We got a new cat. her name is lilly. she is just a kitten. I could put her entire head in my mouth and bite it off if i wanted, but i won't.

Took the girls to a Whitecaps game. I got hit in the head with a baseball. The girls were in the restroom, and i was waiting, facing away from the game. The ball glanced off the top of my head, but it was a slight angle and it didn't hurt much at all. But the crowd went like "Ooooh," and some security people came and made sure I didn't pass out. It felt like somebody slapped me on the top of the head, nothing too bad. Could have killed me if it had been a few inches lower.

Whitecaps won 12-8. They were down 0-6 in the 6th inning, and then they took off.

They had a fireworks display, so that's taken care of. Then they let kids run the bases. I put the girls over the wall and hopped down and we got in line in front of like a thousand kids. They were like third and forth to run the bases, and then we were walking back and i realized the line went all the way back to the parking lot. There were probably a thousand kids in that line, and we cut in front of them all. Ha ha!

Thunderstorms. Working from home. It's been a slow couple of days. Feels like the weekend and it's just Thursday. Last night Deb and I got a sitter and went out to see War of The Worlds. Fantastic action flick. Makes you wonder how people would handle it if shit really hit the fan.

Caught a turtle while hitting golf-balls in the school behind the house. Put it in the garden, thinking it couldn't get over the rail-road ties that border the garden (slated to be removed, by the way). I went back to hit a few more golf-balls, and when I came back up the hill from fetching the balls, the turtle had escaped and crawled half-way across the schoolyard.

Put the thing back (so the kids, who were still asleep, could see it before i took it back) and went to hit more balls.

0748: Got two computers to finish up. Might go to the driving range. Don't know yet, it's not even 8 in the morning.

Hey now. It's father's day. I get breakfast in bed, but I have to actually go back to bed once the girls wake up because they sleep in and I don't. This week has been chock full o' fun. Barry visited. He was passing through on his route. I put up the pool for this year. Had a golf outing, went to a get-together at a friends house.

Hi kids. Today we had the 2nd annual Firehouse Open. Brian organized the thang, and we golfed 18 fantabulous holes at Alpine Golf Club. I golfed like crap, but it was a scramble, so there was no pressure.

Took the family to OCB for lunch. Bought some work-pants on sale at Kohl's. Stopped by an Indian (sorry, Native American) festival at the park by the river. I don't know about all Native American's, but I was annoyed by these particular Native Americans. I don't think they represented all Native Americans, so I don't feel bady saying that. Bought a drum and rattle-thingy for the girls, two snow-cones, and we were out of there cause it was friggin' hot out.

Othewise, I'm beer-free (today anyway) and I'm about to mow the lawn. Then I'm going to write a best-seller and go to bed early.

My internet connection was down this morning. I called Comcast and asked them if there was an outage in Grand Rapids, but they couldn't tell me. So I had to make an appointment, for Thursday, and now I have to call them back because they couldn't tell if there's an outage when I called in the first place.

We drove to Davison and visited Deb's mom. I took a nap while I was there. We hit some weather on the way back, and got dumped on by the time we got to Kent County.

I hate the news media. One ONE blue eyed blond goes missing in Aruba. Who in the HELL gets to go to Aruba just for finishing High School? Rich People people. One Blue Eyed Blond Rich Girl goes missing and I'm supposed to give a rip? It's the same as the Runaway Bride New Sensation that was gripping the nation. I DON'T CARE. North Korea is sitting on Nukes, there's a humanitarian crisis is Africa, the NeoCon Cult is taking over the country, the Trade Deficit is through the roof and threatening to collapse on all of our heads, GM is about to go under, Mexicans are dying ever day trying to get over here to work for nothing, and we worry about ONE RICH KID who screwed up and is probably a sex slave in Columbia right now. I'm sorry to hear that rich people can't keep track of their kids, but how many non-rich kids go missing every day? (Please stop reading for a moment while i google that) Hm . . . according to this site, around 2000 kids go missing every day. Why does blondie get to use the entire US Media as her Own Private Milk Carton. How bout putting some black or non-republican kids on there you ignorant media fucks?

I'm still working, golfing, drinking, writing, whining, breathing, mowing, running, aching, worrying, complaining, and all the other things i do.

i'm going to cut back on the beer, if you can believe it. gonna cut back on the complaining and whining.

I've been podcasting (http://www.danmanning.com/19.html) and that's been a cool pastime, because I can talk into the microphone while I'm driving to appointments.

We sold our house, so now I can say we got some money coming in.

Took Savannah to the new Star Wars movie. She said it was boring and we left halfway through it. Somehow, I think she's right.

For the first time ever, I have to make a retraction. In my May 20th entry, I referred to the former Big Buck drinkers as a "major league assholes." I have to take that back. I met some today who were pretty cool, and I suppose the ones I thought were assholes were actually "good people." So. I took it back. I'm sorry. I shouldn't judge people too quickly.

Now that I'm done being a puss, let me cover what else has been going on. Nothing. My nephew might be really ill, and I'm ready to give bone marrow or whatever I gotta do to help out. That sucks.

I've been working and (TA-DA) writing again. My million selling best-seller is in my brain, and I'm ready to spew it out onto the written page. Otherwise, the kids go into the military instead of college.

Less podcasting, more writing. Podcasting is pretty cool, but i have to focus on writing. So. You might see less of that and more of this.

Except for the sale of the house in Virginia. Now that's some major scratch coming my way, as long as everything holds up.

There are a lot of stupid things on the Internet, but this one tops them all. Thanks Mark for pointing this gem out.

1. move the freezer from garage to basement.
2. clean out garage
3. chop down tree stump.

I got nuthin. I golfed a 40 at Ironwood. That's the best score I've ever had. I am the Lord of Golf. Tiger Woods, kiss my ***. Not really. But i had a good round just the same.

The Frog is open again. It's not called the Hair of the Frog brewery anymore, but The Hideout Brewing Company. They have yummy beer there. Unfortunatly, a bunch of assholes who used to go to Big Buck was there the other day. Hopefully, they have too far to drive and they'll stop going there. They were major-league assholes.

I've been "working" my ass off lately. It doesn't take much for me to claim i actually worked my ass off, because i'm getting spoiled.

I've started downloading some podcasts, and i'm thinking about doing one on my own. Not really sure if its worth it, or how dumb i'm going to feel/sound if i did do it. I might talk about fixing computers or politics or something. I'm so vacuous.

I've rearranged the site to make it more user-friendly, since my friendly users all told me the arrows arrangement sucked ass.

I'll still leave the arrows, but i'll put more links up so my thousands of loyal readers can get around easier.

Yesterday I mowed the lawn and picked up the yard a little. I still have to cut up the tree i chopped down a week ago.

A great week, golfed twice. Once on my league, and once substituting for somebody in Joe's league.

This weekend was relaxing. Did yard work, cut down a small tree, sat on the patio and drank champagne with Deb, the girls had a school carnival, Savannah won her second softball game in a row (2-0 for the season) the weather was great, and now its over.

I'm back in an all new writing adventure. I haven't given up writing. I was on a sabbatical. That's all. A drinking, video game-playing, lethargic sabbatical. But now I'm back. Writing a supernatural piece of sh*t sure to underwelm any editor that sees it. But that's okay, I got crazy ideas cooking for a million dollar best-seller that will be made into a movie.

I, dan manning, do solemnly swear to remain loyal to the old food pyramid. I reject the new food pyramid. The new food pyramid is stupid.

By the way, for those of you not living in Michigan, we're having a Winter Storm Watch this weekend.

I uninstalled World of Warcraft and put the software up for sale on ebay. It's too much for me. Too much. I went bezerk when Asteroids came out (back in the eighties? anyone? anyone?) World of Warcraft is the game I always imagined, and that is why I have to be rid of it. It is too addictive. I have a family to think about.

(later that day) . . . Microsoft force-fed my laptop about a thousand updates today. I'm going to be forced to reboot. You may not hear from me for awhile. I'm working on another machine because of MICROSOFT DOWNLOADS. Pray for me.

Sorry I haven't written in awhile, but I've fallen victim to the most diabolically addictive game ever conceived: World of Warcraft. Oh my God, the game I've looked for all these years . . . (sniff).

Otherwise, nothing. I'm going to treat the yard for grubs, because my neighbors have, so all the moles are going to come to my yard for grubs.

No writing. I'm through with that crap. I'm not even reading fiction. Non-fiction. I'm reading History now. Those Puritans. What a bunch of kooks.

Played World of Warcraft last night. That's an addictive game. Holy smoke. Otherwise, nothing to report.

Had a great time in Chicago today. Shedd's aquarium and the Sears Tower. Creepy thing about Sears Tower: they take every visitor's picture now before they let you go up, you know, just in case the worst happens . . . (shudder)

But it went smooth. It was cloudy when we got to the tower so we went to the aqarium first, then we went back to the tower and looked around.

Yesterday, I saw a guy who looked just like Don Rumsfeld in the Meijer parking lot. NPR fund drives are annoying.

The Pope died while we were out shopping for a minivan. Otherwise, not much is going on today.

I got no "April Fools" joke to tell or anything like that. Maybe the Pope is faking his own death for April Fools? I doubt it.

Deb and I went to look at vans. She needs a new one. The first one she looked at was way out of our price range. We'll have to try again tomorrow.

Look for my picture in Sunday's Grand Rapids Press. I've got more notoriety for getting downsized than any other accomplishment in my life . . . oh, wait a minute. That's not good. Oh well, free advertisement.

Looks like Terry Schivo and the Pope may die on the same day. May the rest in peace, no disrespect, and all that. I'm not complaining about these folks, because they can't help what happened to them. But there are two words I don't want to hear for the rest of my life spoken in the same sentence: "Feeding Tube." I just don't want to hear about anybody's friggin' feeding tube ever again. The media has given me a little more information that I needed. No more feeding tube stories, please.

Spring is finally here, and we've buried the kids in the sand, in a pagan Scandinavian ritual that rings in the new Spring Equinox.

No, really, the kids were just messing around. But I did yard work, cleaned out the garage, walked around with no coat and short sleeves, gossiped with the neighbors, and generally had a great day not freezing my ass off.

There's another story about a "registered sex offender" kidnapping and killing another girl, this time a ten-year-old. I have an idea, how about instead of "registering" sex offenders, how about "killing" sex offenders? Just an idea.

By the way, happy friggin' Easter. Rejoice! the Chocolate Easter bunny has risen again.

I tried XBox live, but I didn't like it so much. The very assholes I try to avoid are all playing online. I told myself I'd try it, I did, and I wasn't impressed. I like Think Tanks best anyway. It's free and it's more fun.

I fixed a computer today that belonged to a guy that used to be XO of the USS Enterprise aircraft carrier. It was interesting talking to somebody that held that high a rank in the Navy.

Took the girls to see Robots at IMAX. Don't go see this movie. It sucked ass. THe funniest thing in it was fart jokes, and they weren't that funny. And I normally love fart jokes.

1. Steroids in baseball. Congress is again wasting the tax money I was forced to send them this year on stupid sh*t. Steroids in baseball. They shouldn't waste one penny looking into this "problem" for one reason:

There. I said it. If a bunch of millionairs want to shoot up and play baseball, let em. How about spending some time solving some real problems? Congress is made up of a bunch of jackasses.

The Michael Jackson trial: Michael Jackson should be locked up on general principle. The guy is a freak.

3. The TERRI SCHIAVO case: Pull the plug. For God's sake, pull the plug on that poor woman. If I end up as a vegatable, somebody put me out of my misery. Why is the government getting involved in this?

4. Drilling in Alaska: Drill! Drill! Drill! Invade Saudi Arabia (they gotta be guilty of something. we could say they're harboring terrorist and take the place)and drill!

I got nuthin. I did nothing of interest yesterday, and probably won't today. Looks like winter is here to stay.

Pop Quiz: Which actess will play Ashley Smith , the lady who was held hostage in Atlanta, in next week's made for TV movie?

A: Jessica Simpson
B: That broad from "Who's the Boss?"
C: That lady from CSI
D: Other

Tried to bury the cat today. What a rookie mistake. Okay, I get it. Perma-frost. Might as well have been trying to dig through solid ice. So Belle will have to lie in state until spring. Gross. I suppose I could build a little kitty-funeral pier in the backyard and have a Viking funeral or something . . I don't know. The thought of the dead cat in a UPS cardboard box until late April is freaking me out. The spirits of the dead wander if they don't get a decent burial. Will we be haunted? It might already be happening. Today I was vacuuming the living room --during commercials during the NASCAR race-- and the circuit breaker popped twice. Its never done that before. Coincidence? And the fuse box is downstairs in the storage room where the cat's litter box and food are still sitting, waiting for a cat that will never return to take a dump . . . Is Belle trying to contact us from the grave? And what will she be able to tell us? She can't actually talk. Never could. Will the garage stay cold enough to keep the body fresh? Should I put it in the freezer out in the garage? If I did, could her spirit enter the rib-roast, and by us consuming that meat later on, somehow take over me or the kids?

So yesterday I went out hunting for The Incredibles on DVD. I went to K-Mart, and they didn't have it. I asked the pimply little clerk if they had it, and he said he thought they did, but they might have sold out. I left, cursing K-Mart, cause they never have what I'm looking for. So I brave the traffic on Plainfield and go to Meijer, and they don't have it either. Turns out it doesn't release until Tuesday the 15th. I am such a monkey. I still hate K-Mart.

The cat died today. Cancer. Sorry to break the news. Her name was Belle. Good cat.

I have proof that the US did not fire on that Italian Journalist on purpose: If the US wanted to destroy a car, it would be destroyed. This self-serving Italian journalist wouldn't be around sniveling because her driver was wreckless and rushed an armed US Army checkpoint. Shut the F*ck up Italy. Jesus H. Christ in a Sidecar. If we wanted to destroy a friggin' car, it would be nothing but twisted metal and ash, and no one would ever hear about it.

On the lighter side, I took the girls to a school skating party this evening, and I, Dan Manning, roller skated. If only you could feel my inner thighs right now. No, not you, that would be wrong in oh so many ways. What I'm saying is, I'm going to be sore tomorrow in the inner thigh-buttock area. Hm. Maybe I shouldn't have brought any of that up. Anyway, the girls had a great time.

I've read a few news stories out people getting fired for writing about work on their internet blogs . Then I read that they are complaining about it. When I was working for a company here in town, I never, ever mentioned anything about work. That's because I knew I might get fired over it. Duh. Companies fire people. People can't talk smack about their employers to their faces, so why do people think they can badmouth their bosses on the Internet and get away with it? I think I know what causes this problem: People are stupid. The employees who post things that get them fired are stupid, and the employers who fire them are also stupid.

I can hear you already: But Dan, what about freedom of speech? Ha! You're free to say anything you want my niave reader, but your boss if free to say whatever he or she wants, and unfortunatly for you, two words in the English language, when put together, spell trouble for you: "You're fired."

Dan's Safety Tip: Don't try to run US Army checkpoints and expect not to get shot at. Duh.

This weekend I took the kids sledding,(see video clips) but otherwise, not much is going on. Just waiting out this snow. Otherwise, I got nuthin'.

I've gotten to the point that I have low expectations regarding films. I've been let down so many times it is easy to expect disappointment again. "Saw" is the exception. This is a suspenseful, balanced thriller. I thought it would be gory, like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", but it wasn't gory at all. It kept Deb and me riveted throughout, with plot twists using flashbacks and scene cuts that were next to perfect. The ending. Oh my God, the ending. You have to see this film.

I have a new mojo to make my phone ring on slow days: I play xbox. As soon as the game gets good, the phone rings and I have more work.

Here's something you should never try: merlot and black jelly beans. Uhg. They don't mix.

a werewolf thriller, was half-way decent. while it was scary in the beginning, it got silly toward the climactic action sequence toward the end. There are some funny one-liners and startling pop-out-and-scare-you surprises. There are a few flaws in this movie, the biggest being Scott Baio and Craig Kilborn both appear as themselves. Bad. Scott Baio is the curse of any movie, and the film would have at least been better had they been left out.

One interesting side note, the theatre we went to see this movie in was just about empty. Then three people came and sat almost directly behind us, although they were about a million empty rows. Then they talked during the movie.

I really said that. It was fantastic. Then I sat back down, and we didn't hear another peep out of them for the rest of the movie. Really.

Want to save some money? Don't buy George Carlin's new book. It looks like he just typed half a page on whatever crossed his mind, and they bound it and called it a book because he's George Carlin. It was almost completely stupid and I've got crap like that all over my hard-drive that will never see the light of day because I'm not George Carlin. That's my book review for the day, and, just like George Carlin, I only have about this much to say about it.

There's an annoying girl two tables down who is talking a mile a minute trying to be witty. She's talking to her boyfriend(?) metro-sexual platonic friend(?) who gives a shit. She's annoying and I want to go over and say "Could you stop trying to be witty? You're not. You're trying to sound witty and intelligent, but you're not." Kind of like what I'm trying to be on this page. I'm a bore just like the girl in the bookstore, but I'm not forcing anybody to read it.

My job is boring. If you used to work with me, please stop asking me about my job. My job is boring, and I'm tired of talking about it. I fix computers for a living. It's one step above (or below, depending on how you look at it ) from being a plumber. I use simple techniques to unclog computers for money. That's it. There's nothing else to tell. Please stop asking because I feel the need to embellish my stupid, monkey-could-do-it-for-a-banana job. Thank you.

I got an email from a friend of mine. He filled me in on things, asked me how things were here in Michigan. I responded like this:

for the last year and a half, I've been self-employed, because Meijer, where I worked in the IT department, had a huge layoff. My new company is a1 computer service & repair (www.a1csr.com) , and i've been surprisingly able to pay mortgage, groceries, bills with the money i'm making, and i've even secured some basic health insurance. Being self-employed kicks ass. Except for slow days, where I procrastinate so I can avoid failing to write bad fiction. (is thrity-eight too old to be doing what a middle school student could probably do in his spare time for extra spending money?)

We have snow, snow, and more snow, but now that cabin fever has set in, it doesn't matter, because all the life has been sapped out of me and I'm now like the walking dead. Only the faint ember of hope in an early spring keeps me from axe murdering everybody. (just kidding! sort of please don't call the cops! : )

my big goals today are to go to the bank and mail some packages. Then I'll probably come home and spend the afternoon sobbing quietly while looking at a blinking curser inside a blank word document, drinking whisky straight while writer's block threatens to turn me into a vegatable.

Today we took the kids to see the movie "Because of Winn Dixie" and it was a pretty good movie (for a kids' movie). Otherwise, it was snow and cabin fever. I watched the Datona 500. Jeff Gordon came in first, and Mark Martin was sixth. Otherwise, I have nothing to report, because my life is boring. Thanks for tuning in.

There was an article in today's paper titled: "U.S. not planning to attack Iran, president says". Of course, this means: "U.S. planning to attack Iran." Because George Bush is a pathological liar. Plus, Iran has oil, so we will invade Iran and take their oil. Our 51st state, Iraq, is still in turmoil, but it will settle down. Soon they will be eating McDonald's and watching the OC and shopping at Wal-Mart like the hillbillies in the continental 48. They will succumb to the freedom we have forced upon them, and they will like it. They will become corporate-consuming zombies. They will be converted to Christianity. They will watch Bill O-Reilly. They will vote Republican. Sean Hannity shall adorn their currency. They will take those towels off their heads and wear ball caps. Freedom is on the march. No matter how much it costs, we must continue to fight.

The Iranians will be bombed. We will kill their women and children, and they will greet us with flowers and chocolate. It won't cost much, and we'll offset the cost of the war with their oil. We will fight them until they accept defeat. We will bomb them into democracy. We will set up puppet governments. Iran will be our 52nd state. And with a Starbucks on every corner, Abacrombi and Fitch in every Mosque, we will be victorious. Our corporate masters will smile down on us as we consume their product. George Bush shall dissolve the republic and declare himself King. Christianity will be the official religion and the masses will bow down or be bombed.

Tonight I went to KFC to pick up dinner. While there, I heard Hall and Oats' 1984 smash hit "Out of Touch". I worked today, mostly to cover some medical bills. Alex had Bronchitis, at least she did last night, and she had a huge fever. Had to take her to the doctor and all that. But she's okay now. Savannah went to "cheer camp" today. She had a good time.

Otherwise, I'm writing again, such as it is. I have the sinking feeling that I can type, but I can't write. Oh well, twenty years wasted. No problem.

Looks like we're going to Iran next . Here's a map of Iran so you can get familiar with it ahead of time so those battle maps on CNN don't look to unfamiliar.

I just heard a news program on the radio that makes me shake my head and go, "That's stupid." I seems that on death row in Connecticut, the inmates are staging a hunger strike. I found a story about it on the web. death row inmates are kept in solitary 23 hours a day, with solitary recreation time outside their cells one hour a day.

A-duh. They're on death row. Suicidal tendencies should be expected. They shouldn't have f**ked up and got on death row in the first place.

I'm not a big fan of GW and his simplistic foreign policy, but the Iraq voting went over better than was expected. I suppose I have to give him credit (grudgingly). If nothing else good comes of this madness King George has cooked up, at least the Iraqis didn't back down to the bombers and thugs. Now if they could just stand up a decent army so we could get our soldiers out of there. Can you imagine the American turnout if people were going to get killed trying to vote in the United States? Some people skip voting in this country if it rains on election day.

Friday a few of us went to the Cottage Bar downtown and had dinner, then we went to a Rampage football game. Grand Rapids got whomped by Nashville. Still it was a good time had by all. The game was so bad, Mark and I ended up playing music trivia when they played music between plays.

We're number ONE! We're NUMBER ONE! That's right! Michigan is NUMBER ONE in unemployment. Take that South Carolina. Second place is for LOSERS! Ha ha ha!

Now that I've given up my dream of being a writer, I've been watching more television, and communing with my TIVO. And these women keep making passes at me! I'm not sure which woman wants to f**k me more: The girl from the Overstock.com commercials, or the girl from the Levitra commercial. They both have that “come hither (and do me)” look about them that makes me wonder, can they see me through the glass? I mean for Christ's sake, could they radiate SLUT a little more clearly? Like nobody knows what the double entendre is when she goes “have you discovered THE BIG O?” I don't know lady, have you discovered the “OBVIOUS SEXUAL REFERENCE?”

Jackass commercial writers. The only decent wiener commercial is the one for Enzyte where the guy is smiling his brains out, and his wife is smiling her brains out because apparently, he's f**king her brains out with his newly “enhanced” unit. Those are pretty funny.

By the way, if I lasted for “more than four hours,” I'd wouldn't call a doctor. I'd be calling everybody I know and saying, “WHOOO! I'm a big stuuuuud! I dialed your phone number with my medically enhanced unit! Whoo-hoo!" And then I'd hang up and dial somebody else. I would probably do this because of a lack of blood circulation in my brains.

“Ah,” you say. “If you have a TIVO, why are you watching commercials?” Well, the answer is simple. I fast forward through the commercials, except when my girlfriends from the wiener commercials come on. I'm trying to let them down easy. Plus, I kind of miss them.

No updates recently because I've been really busy. I did get a Tivo this week, and I've been pre-occupied with that. It's pretty neat-o.

Speaking of writing, I think I'm going to have to face the fact that I'm never going to be a famous novelist. I'm going to be a famous satirist or essayist, or some kind of "ist."

I can type pretty fast, but I'm lacking a little thing called, hm... what's the word? Talent. Yes, that's it, talent. I'm going to stop creating new things to write about (and failing miserably), and instead cynically make fun of things that already exist. Yes. No one has thought of that before.

People will call me "witty" or "scathingly truthful" or "idiotic." Yes, this is my calling: to make snide remarks at the expense of our most hallowed institutions: Government, Religion, and Pop Culture.

Then again, maybe I'm just another jackass with a computer keyboard and an opinion.

Regardless of my long-term plans, today I'm going to sit on my fat ass, drink Corporate beer and watch millionaires play football.

Most overused word or phrase by NFL football commentators: "Explode" or "explosive." Bombs explode. Roadside IEDs in Baghdad "explode." Football players do not "explode." If a football player actually "exploded" on the football field, the game would be called and a lot of people would need counseling.

INNSBRUCK, Austria (AP) -- A Polish woman who harbored a grudge against her husband's employer has been sentenced to four months' imprisonment for terrorizing the boss by making ghostly sounds at his castle-like estate.

The 42-year-old woman, whose name was not released, was convicted on nuisance charges after she allegedly spent weeks masquerading as a ghost and making mysterious noises, Austrian television reported.

Police captured the woman on videotape after the jittery owner, who employed the suspect's husband, begged authorities in the alpine province of South Tyrol to solve the mystery.

The haunted owner had complained of hearing footsteps in the hallways and slamming doors late at night at the estate near Austria's southern border with Italy.

Yesterday I got an email from a machine telling me there was a package on my front porch. This was yesterday evening, after I took the girls sledding. I checked my email and there it was: "Delivered, front door, January 11, 2005 4:13 PM." This was just a few minutes before I checked the email. I went to the front porch (we normally go in and out through the side door, so I never would have check the front porch) and there it was, a package I had ordered. Parts for work.

So a computer told me to look out the front door stupid, there's a package waiting for you.

I was at McDonalds, and I had to take a leak. So they're playing Musak outside, and I go into the bathroom, and mixed in with the Musak was Van Halen "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love." So they play Van Halen music over the PA in McDonald's bathrooms. Weird.

I can't wait for the football playoffs to resume. I can't stand it! I can't stand it!

The NFL post-season. The Jets' overtime victory over the chargers was great. Looking forward to another 8 hours of quality time with my couch and television.

This year, the Superbowl teams will be:
Indianapolis vs. Philadelphia. Eagles win by field goal.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
Or not, whatever.

Tried to watch "Law and Order" for the first time this evening. What a bunch of pretentious, annoying people. I haven't been around a lot of cops, but I suspect they don't act like the folks on this TV show. At first I thought I was watching a parody of an actual show. And when they look directly at the camera? Come on! I want to watch TV. I don't want my TV watching me. Who directs that piece of crap? A Jr. High drama class? Holy crap, we're in trouble if that kind of s**t is popular. Then again, a lot of people watch wrestling.

I've had to deal with two Gateway computers today, and it's been a nightmare. Me no like-ee.

I like Nyquil though. I like the sneeze right after I take a shot of the stuff. Oh yes.

Well, enough of my sick world. I'd like to remind you all once again to donate to the red cross. 150 thousand+ people dead, and the orphans, and the destroyed infrastructure, and all that other stuff should be enough to make you cough up twenty bucks.

Writing like a crazy man! Of course, that's because it's been a slow day on the computer-fix-it front. But I got some calls and I'm going to be busy for the rest of the week. I ran three miles today, and yesterday. Othewise, not much is going on. I got some wicked gas. Thought I'd share that with you. Night!

Spent the entire day on the couch, because Sunday is a day or REST! I watched the lions lose, then i watched this PBS special on the Middle East that was pretty damned interesting. They've been fighting over there forever.

So I wasted an entire day sitting on the couch. I suppose I should have been doing something else. I could have insulated the attic, or wrote a bestseller or something.