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my fellow americans (in traffic)

My job was "eliminated" by a big company last Friday. Being downsized, right-sized, or whatever the latest buzzword is, I panicked.

I've never been unemployed before (I know, some of you are saying, "Welcome to my world, rookie.") I looked through the papers and cruised industrial parks looking for something. Maybe I'm impatient; it has only been a few business days.

I was spoiled at my last job: high pay, easy hours, easy work. I sat in a cubicle and worked with databases and network accounts. Oh, I did my job, but it wasn't much. Great pay but not much job satisfaction. And yes, I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Sunday I was looking through the newspaper want ads with a highlighter, not knowing what I was going to do.

Let me tell you about the day my job was "eliminated."

For weeks the rumors were flying. "It happens Friday," we said. "It will only happen in the other building." Or: "It's Marketing. I'd hate to be in Marketing." And: "The IT department is going to be OK."

The rumor mill was running full tilt, but of all the rumors, we knew this one to be true: It was going down on Friday.

Steve (not his real name) showed up at my cubicle, yellow notepad in his hand. He said, "Bob Smith (also not his real name) wants to talk to you." Bob Smith was a manager, though not my manager.

"Cut it out Steve, quit pulling my leg," I said.

"No, I'm serious." He did the head roll, as if to say, "Let's go."

All the way to the little office, I was going, "OK, you can cut it out now," and "You're kidding right?" We walked a little further. He wasn't smiling. "OK, joke's over." He didn't look happy. Finally it sunk in that he was serious. After that, we just walked.

Bob Smith, who told me I was fired, was polite. He was professional. Funny thing is, one of the biggest rumors was that Bob Smith was going to get the ax. Turns out he was the ax-man.

"Dan, I'm sure you know why you're here," he said. He was very somber. He wasn't happy sitting there telling someone they no longer had a job. I wasn't happy to be there either. Steve said nothing. It was like he was watching an execution.

"I have a lot of these to do today," Bob said, "and it isn't easy."

It wasn't personal. I wasn't mad, but if I had been, there was no one to get mad at. Mr. Smith assured me it had nothing to do with my job performance. The company had been "restructured." A consulting company had come in. My position had been eliminated. They wanted to "flatten the organizational structure." I felt flattened.

I'd thought I was safe. For some foolish reason I'd felt like I was safe. But I wasn't.

It wasn't my fault. It wasn't Bob's fault. It wasn't Steve's fault. Whose fault was it?

The economy. Alan Greenspan. Bush. Clinton. Terrorism. 9/11. Who did this? Maybe no one did it. Maybe it just happened.

Either way, Meijer eliminated 350 jobs. Siemens Dematic let 207 people go. Steelcase employs half the workers it did a few years ago. Bosch let over 1,200 workers go.

But it's not all bad. Zelenka Nursery is going to recall 500 workers. Maybe I'll apply there. No, our single tomato plant died. I don't have a green thumb.

I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm not mad at my former employers. Business is down. Meijer was a good place to work. I'll still shop there.

There are plenty of people who have been through this more than once. I'll call MARVIN (Michigan's Automated Response Voice Interactive Network) and get my unemployment checks. I'll look for a job. I'll find a job.

The guy who brought me to the meeting room, Steve, e-mailed me the day after I was fired and told me he was sorry. He e-mailed me today and asked how I was doing. I'm doing OK. I wrote him back:

"Don't blame yourself. Blame Wal-Mart. Jeez. It's business. It was me and 349 other people. Somebody had to do it. All you did was walk me down there. You spared me having my name paged overhead."

I can't write anymore. I have to go file for unemployment.

Maybe it's not all bad: I get to watch all the quality television I've been missing. Jerry Springer. Judge Joe Brown. Oprah. I can sleep in late. Send out resumes. Maybe I'll be a greeter at Wal-Mart.